THE OTHER WOMAN
I've always been the other woman,
for him and him and him and even her
and constant reprisal of karmic proportions I fear
For
The friend who desired,
or when from afar he had admired
A colleague who wanted
A teacher besotted
The friend's bf who leered
the cousin who endeared

I do not want to be Jezebel
nor Bathsheba
not cuddled by your want
nor cradled by the comfort you offer
or Buoyed by the knowledge of your desire.
I do not fear you, just your intention
for once before I was in denial, lied by omission
but now my eyes are held open
by commitments to love that I have made
in another's bed I have been laid
And i won't betray him with a Judas kiss
or shrug like Cain as if nothing is amiss

So don't come to me in sheep's clothing
offering a shoulder or a ride home in safety
constant calls or messages replied to instantly
as if I was your only care, your highest priority
you draw my attention to the disparity, subtly
pointing out that he's not there
Please don't straighten out my unruly wisps of hair,
you know its not your place
stop casually brushing the side of my face
for I am not the temptress you make me out to be
you take advantage of my naivety
the apples lie on your side of the fence
its all I'm saying in my defence.

Boy you put your record on, or just strum your guitar as you sing me a song
wear those low slung deisel jeans, and spin me around like you do in my dreams
I like to hang out with you, on the bench on the porch
and I like to read in their bed while you're watching your sports
and cooking is fun, when you're eating my meal
I like your kisses on my forehead and the way they make me feel
you light up my life like spark in the dark , you're my bright shinning star
even though you are far and I miss you in a whole new way, my lover my day

I'm OK You're OK

My behaviour's not all spotless,
and my words are often thoughtless
I've gone to peices in my head
when I've been scared
why does the universe point this out
it makes me weak it fuels my doubt
i wish i could just tell you all
but fear keeps me from making that call
I can't let you in on everything
I can't guarantee what that will bring
So in silence i shed my tears
can I live with this through all my years
for, in implicating you
I'll implicate me too...
.and I'm afraid of broken hearts
and I want you to mend our faulty parts
but I'm guilty of being beyond repair
and I'm guilty of trying to not care
I wish for a better Day,
where i'm ok and you're ok

TRIPS AHOY!

So we went to bali oin Jan, London in Feb, Goa in April

and London in June, then Goa in July and malaysia in September

so when he suggested goa again I was pleasantly surprised...

I love Goa and three trips within 6 months is just fabulous

We stayed at the gorgeousbaia do sol, the plan was to have no plan

I got there on saturday after work, welcome by him ad fancy car and driver cold water and a wet towel to cool off and clen up, the drive to Baga was long and lovely

we barely rested when the beach called Britto's for an early dinner followed by cvala, where we danced together my cheek to his chest and a spicy mango mojito in my hands....it was a hot and uber cool setting all at once....

The nect day saw us meandering in the direction of asvem to find an empty beach and a shack willing to cook for two, he managed to deliver both with ease...in response to my every very specific deman, with one word "Sorted"

The night was a sultry slighlty rqainy one where I was feeling lucky and we proceeded to double our money at black jack, and headed to a quiet and practically empty cvala, where he took over the miusic playing only my favourite songs all evening and so chrmed were they by our enthusiasm that they gave us a shot of every single house made feni they had....much to his horror I polished off all of them...only threats that he would leave me at the abr if they gave me any more free alcohol could stem the flow of feni :)

After acqurining some stunning pieces of art, we packed ate a huge lunch the minute souza lobo opened for business, doused ourselves in beer and breezers and headed home.

I thank you for the little joys you bring me every day....

• My lunch box filled, my rickshaw there, so i didn't have to wait
• driving me to school on the day that I was late.
• the glass of water you bring me to bed every night
• the make-up sex we had after that fight
• A cup of chai that i didn't have to make
• bringing me the rings I forgot to take

So I wish you joy as you set about your day

All green lights and no one to block your way

Your favourite sons on the radio

The elavator waiting to take you to your floor

No long drawn out meetings

Kali dal for the pleasure of your eating

ALl work done by half past three

to bring you home back to me

Time passes.
Distance separates.
People grow up.
Love waxes and wanes.
Boyfriends don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Pets die.
Friends forget favors.
relationships end.
Life happens.
add your own......

I put your picture away....

There's a picture of us in his camera, it's a particularly cold summer's day and we're dining alfresco outside the paella place in Burroughs market. You got the hot dog, he got the cheese burger, I got the paella DUH! and free dessert, by smiling excessively, which you're asking me not to eat before my lunch arrives. You're protesting about pictures as he backs up, we're laughing at something, you're being offensive in that adorable way, and we're laughing, he clicks, it's there digitalized for posterity, you and me, our camaraderie, the chemistry jumping off the screen at me....

Please bring about a cloud to rain on my work day!!!

*popat* remember that term??
we used to say it frequently in school, it implied that something meant to occur didn't
Today's media hype about highest tide in 100 years etc led to theschool declaring a half day, pre-emptive strike, like saying ha! in your face flood we've all gone home!!!
But alas the rain played truant, and to add insult to injury for the MET dept, the sun is shining and weater is sweaty (and bob marley is turning in his grave) tra la la la la
All in a day for an overworked underpaid girl.

TONIGHT I'M CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET

Our room is a mess and starting a new life together meant making space..

Space: both physical and emotional

So when he decided to clean out his "space" I felt a slight trepidation, since the contents were rumoured to be highly personal, love letters phone mubers childhood paraphenelia and He is excessively private, guards his privacy, like ceberus guards hades, I respect that, and we never go through each others stuff, pick up eachothers phones unless expressedly asked to do so, so I was still undecided whether I should stay in the room, for I felt like I was trespassing, but I didn't want to watch tv or anything, I almost asked him what to do!!!! finally choosing to sit on top of the bed, out of view and read....out of his way.

I could however, still hear him, seated on the floor amidst a sea of memories, his feeelings audible, I felt like a voyeur....so imagine my surprise when he asked me to join him on the floor to partake of the nostalgia, again that mixed feeling as I took an uncertain seat beside him, there it was the disclaimer, you can only read if you refuse to comment or ask questions, I almost got up and left, but overode the instict and verbalized my feelings, why haflway I asked? familiar lump in my throat, why halfway.....still safe in the security of privicay when here I am, heart on sleeve, bare naked uncensored me....I made an allowance in this instance, choosing to be there for him, on his terms, I took the paper, pretty words about a perfect girl, word art in the form of poetry, couldn't help but elicit some form of jealousy, I had come to late in his life, this was a side i hadn't been fortunate to see, such words were never written by him for me....

but I stayed there because the feeling of being part of something he wanted to share was more important....

I thought maybe I should tell him how I feel, but I feared it would push him further into himself, I could hear the argument as if his was already making it, 'How can I tell you how I feel if you're gonna get upset and react like that'

But then I thought I'd say it here, he may read it he may not, but it had to be said, because if you're feeling safe to share something with me, then i want to be feeling safe to tell you....how I feel too.

OH MY!

I've been so bad, so very bad, have completely neglected the blog. HE says its because I'm angstless....yep HE thinks that I derive my blog content from angst and now that I am happily married there is none....at first I shrugged off his suggestion, the second time he mentioned I actually got mad, and then I began to see that there was indeed a pattern to the albeit harmless confessions...

So do I really require angst to write?

how very plath of me :P

Anyway I am still angstless but full of stories so many many stories to tell and so little time

have been quite the travle bunny, just back from London, gorgeous weather,

great trip, my trip tip would be: please try Randal and Aubin's in soho for awesome (can get pricey) seafood, do not skip the platter and the lobster and the sticky date pudding for dessert, have the lobster with the gavi di gavi a bianco Italian wine that just brings out the sweetness in the food.

A must do in summer is a bbq, we did sausages free range chilly and garlic pork ones and venison steak and burgers from the local butcher...ahhhhhhhh so good

and PIMMS!! how can I forget about PIMMS!!! I had tons, glasses and glasses were guzzled, with lemonade and bits of strawberry, oranges and lemons and mint and cucumber bits...YUM!

I am now the size of a truck, a small truck...but still a truck.

Breakable
We both know of masks, we know no one can tell
We keep playing our parts and we do it so well
We both suck it up And we put on a front
We’ve been told we are strong so we keep bearing the brunt.
And we’re breakable you and I
We both wound easily, but only, I cry

We both look at the world like we’re standing apart
There a void inside us, on our sleeve is our heart
And we’re children of conditional love
The dark is familiar, it fits like a glove
And we’re breakable you and I
We both wound easily but you never cry

We both see it’s half empty , we act like its full
We are rebel’s inside yet we play by the rules
And we can’t keep this up it will eat us inside
We can’t keep on running there’s no more places to hide
And we’re breakable you and I
We both wound easily and sometimes you must try,
To cry.....

You know you were not my first love,
And you know I’ve had a past
What we have is stuff of dreams
What we have is built to last

I’m loving every minute of us
I’m seeing only half full glasses
I’ve given up on stolen glances
I don’t care about greener grasses

And sometimes I miss you when i fall asleep first
But you and I know it's alright
we'll be pretzels instead of spoons
right beside me in the morning light.

Your killers, your heroes, your 24
would all bore
If you took off the blinders,
that blind us
and bind us
to our current existence
But you’re hell bent on nonsense
that makes no sense ,
it’s got me incensed
And your minion’s
opinions
about the millions
you’d make
If you fake
your take
on things in life that matter,
if you give up on happily ever after
I want to shield you from disaster
gift you laughter
but you never realize ,
what lies,
behind the blinks, in my eyes
For the magnitude
of my solitude
in a crowded room
Should tell you,
what’s more true,
than anything you
or I can say.

10 WORDS/ Phrases I USE (A guide for men)

(1) Fine: This is the word I use to end an argument when I am right and you need to shut up.

(2) Two Minutes: If I am getting dressed, this is likely to be half an hour. two minutes is only two minutes if you have just been given two more minutes to watch the game before attending to what you should have been attending to in the first place(that would be...ME!)

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine (see point 1).

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! I asure you will regret it.

(5) Loud Sigh: This isn't actually a word, but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means I think you're an idiot and I'm wondering why I'm wasting my time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements I can make to a man. That's okay means I want to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: I'm thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless I say 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and I am not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. that will bring on a 'whatever' see below).

(8) Whatever: Is my way of saying F--- YOU! ( I am often too polite to use the f-word)

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that I have told a man to do several times, but I'm doing it myself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For my response refer to # 3.

(10) You're stufid/stoopid: You're stufid, means affection, i think you're silly but cute, You're stoopid, is not affectionate at all, it means exactly what it says and any response on your part will lead to #8

Maybe if I act like that....push up my bra like that...

On the way to work, (he drops me off and then heads to his office)

he looks atmy chest and to my left breast says, "why're you wearing a push up bra"

I "haw-ed" appropriately over the apparent accusation

"Of course not!" i retorted

it looks like that he said not in the least apologetic

well for your information, I'm actually wearing ,my flatest bra! so there

if the driver hadn't been in the car I would've taken his hand placed it on my breast and said here see its all me!!

would anyone believe that this is the man to go to bed with every night

I was quiet for a bit contemplating the gravity of the situation, should I be offended or amused or flattered by my husband's silly remark?

We've come a long long way together...

A few months ago I posted this---->
Friday, November 07, 2008
This sucks
I've just realized I cannot keep eating and drinking whatever I want and that sucks.
I think I just got it, that exercise is something i need to incorporate into my daily life or else i will end up with a body I hate even more than the one i'm in now!and that sucks.When your wedding dress is gorgeous, accomodates your chest fits around your waist skims down hiding your child bearing hips and then
f&#*S up by giving you cleavage......ON YOUR BACK
Now that really sucks. How do you shrink your back? suggestions please....

So I thought it fitting to tell you what the current status was....
(especially since 4 people at work told me today that I look fab)
When I wrote that post I had returned from Diwali Break
and had just weighed myself in the school clinic and I was just 2 killos under my all time weight high!!! I was petrified and was determined to be the weight I wanted to be on my wedding day.
I strated to watch my diet for the first time (yes its true I had never been on a diet before)
I eliminated alcohol and sugar (even in tea/coffee) and all desserts, along with fried food completely from my diet, I introduced lettuce and zero calorie food like papaya & pineapple. I ate only white meat and fish but grilled and cooked only in a non-stick wok with olive oil, which I restricted to two-3 drops
End result was that by the time it was Jan 4th i weighed 5.5 killos less!
And at 48kgs I was at my goal weight :)
promptly put on 2 killos on our honey moon, but am quite content at the size I am...
Justthought you should know...
oh I'm off my diet but watching sugar and oil...
just watching not restricting....;)

Sometimes when you're not really paying attention....

LIFE HAPPENS to you....

I've been waiting to realize I'm married...people keep asking how different it is...I'm waiting for it to be different, it's really not...I mean it is but it isin't....(I'm inarticulate today) (or maybe it is as it is....)

SO anyway i'm waiting to feel different, being analytical as I am, I'm trying hard not to delve into each and every event or take apart every moment, so as to not ascribe sentiment to the fact that the toilet seat is left up...frequently...

(tangential note: I never understood this debate about the toilet seat, I mean If I find it cumbersome to put the seat down, men find it cumbersome to put it up, so its even and I don't expect the seat to be put down, because if we're doing it for eachothers convenience then techinally I should be lifting up the seat. end of tangential note.)

BAck to where I was, yes being over analytical, is not what i want to be so in avoiding that am I inadvertently numbing myself from the experience of being married?

and is that why I'm not feeling different?

(I think i'm being over analytical again)

Well to tell you the truth its a relief to be married. He doesn't have to drop me home, I'm 5 mins away from work and we get to sleep together....I could go on....

Yesterday we barbequed. He fanned the flames, I marinated. We did huge prawns, chicken thighs and drumsticks and caulifower, bread and cheese and sweet limes lol washed down with some bordeaux....dining alfresco, listening to the waves crashing and no other sound except for the hiss of coal...I know i'm being overanalytical when I say I had a really good time :)

Somewhere between slacking off posting and getting a tan in Bali
I got married
I did
I got m-a-r-r-i-e-d!
I don't think its sunk in yet
I know it sure hasn't hit him....
we're married babie
which just means no dropping me off anymore
and oh
we need to buy pillows