we my Girl friends,
we’ve been labouring under a misconception,
that we cannot “party” without members of the opposite sex (that being: boys)
for the obvious reason, that they serve as a deterrent to other boys…and we can party without being hassled or hit on…younnoh unnecessary/unwanted attention etc etc…
I say misconception because everytime we’ve gone out dancing with our “boys”/deterrents/ arm candy we’ve still had boy trouble
(remember velvet lounge and chulbuli uncle?? not much deterring happened there did it!)
So when we were hesitating over whether we should do a polly esther sans men
I was most happy that we decided to let go of our confirmation bias
and just headed out the three of us
And Oh what a good time we had, danced till we dropped and took polaroids to preserve the memory of our foray into the club scene without BOYS!!
Yes yes ever heard of dance for dance sake…
Of course there were plenty of other boys but we were too wrapped up being happy party girls to bother.
Till one grabbed my arm and shouted in my ear , “I’ve just got to tell you, you’re very very pretty, in fact I think you’re the prettiest girl here”, “Thank you” I said looking slightly shocked
we left soon after that, at around 3 and took a cab (On Our Own)
And sang all the way home…
Fun Lots of Fun
LOVE POLLY ESHER<
LOVE NEW FOUND INDEPENDENT PARTY ABILITY

so
its the weekend
and I'm determined to be productive...
(will tell you how successful I'll be on monday ;)

We're six months through the year.
thought I'd review my wish list:

I want more time...HA! said the universe, as if
I want an incisive, inquisitive, insightful, irreverent mind.....getting there....
I want someone who makes me go oooooo coz of their wit and wicked sense of humor. (FUNNY!)
I want to be able to sleep every nightI want to wake up not feeling like I haven't slept at all.
(still getting there....)
I want to swim. (barely managing to.....)
I want all food to be magically fat-free. (again HA! said the universe as if!!!)
I want to watch more TV (also getting there)
I want to read more. (BOY DID I GET WHAT I WANTED HERE!!)
I want someone for whom reading poetry is foreplay.....(hmmmmmm.....foreplay what is that?)
I want to remain forever naive . (got there!)

Saturday night 1:45am
I blinked at the harsh lights
stood with my best petulant child expression
and then finally
I exited Poison
unceremoniously
if I might add
yelling hell no we won't go
in my head
coz no one seemed to be paying attention
my drink was snatched from my hand (rightly so)
and poured into a paper Pepsi cup
I skipped out into the darkness
she grabbed my hand instinctively ushering me towards the valets
there were so many people
felt like a railway station, except for tiny skirt, designer shirts
and prada bags
(of course darrrrlingss!)
I stood there for a bit there was a slight drizzle
(kept thinking my soie next top was dry clean only)
then the guy next to me said something...
it sounded like this "SpluGHJGHJ"
"excuse me?" I said but I actually mean "HUH??"
"sorry" he said gripping his paper pepsi cup, "just venting"
"i use a blog for that" I said cheekily
"wow a blog" , "I love blogs" he said
"me too" said me
he looked vaguely familiar
"do I know you?" I asked
(it came out weirdly non-pick up like)
"should I know you?" he said
I grinned
"I don't think we've met" he replied after an extended yet not so awkward pause
"I would have remembered" he said again after another long pause
she glanced in my direction
all the while she'd been concentrating on our valet
but I guess she was paying attention
"Are you happy?", he asked
the question threw me off balance (or was it the alcohol?)
"yes, sure I'm happy" i siad
"happier than these people/" he waved his pepsi paper cup
in the general direction of the party junta
"happier than some of them" i said looking at the stick insect who was scowling at her shoes
"I have a theory on happiness" he said
"chris' she yelled "car's here"
"I'd love to hear your theory but i've gotta go" I said
"wait!" he said grabbing my arm, spilling some of the paper pepsi cup contents
"no name no number?"
"this concersation will self destruct in 30 secs, besides you won't remember it tomorrow"
I said gently shaking off his hand
calmly crossed the road n stepped into my get-away car...

S-I-G-H
work is hard
though people think i'm hardly working
mum says don't accept expensive presents from boys
LOL
what about giving boys expensive presents?
:P
t-i-r-e-d incoherent
tangential thinking happening

Last Night I got the fright of my life
They announced that The Govt was blocking blogger!!
coz of the blasts etc...
and it suddenly hit me
what if I can't write here any more??
in addition to being a pass-time or a hobby
or just a space to write
The blog has really been a good therapeutic aid
remember the former site header read "ventilation is therapeutic"
the govt, however noble their intentions cannot trespass
on my space to vent...

A little birdie named "g"
told me
that you tip-toe around here
ever so slowly, not a trace you leave
not even a footprint (footnote??) for me
yet I hear you quote what you've read
things that I've said...
(I'm flattered its gone to my head :P)
Come come now chilled out one
(FROZE!)
who looks so good in blue
leave behind a comment or two
for there are shirts to be worn, inhibitions to be shorn
and sunglasses to buy
so stop on by....

Talk about a blast from the past!!!
universe, what are you playing at now?
feel like a pawn in the game of life (or like-board game)
like the little iron in monopoly
its soooooooo strange
I went out with him, to prove to HIM, that I could date someone 10yrs older to me andmake it work, I went out with him, to punish him, for not being the good bf and also because he reminded me of HIM....
so i'll just blame HIM, the start of all of this nonsense...

now HE wants to know if all that was there will be there still...
well you see when i went out with him, even though I was dating him,, I was seeking what I wasn't getting from him
if i'm not seeking, I will not find anything...even if it is there...
so YAY!

I think I know Why its love
coz not only does he know the song in my heart and sings along
he's also the one filling me in on the words when life makes me forget the lyrics

A fatal attraction holding me fast, how Can I escape this irresistible grasp?
much appreciated My fink ployd, your attempts at this...
In our own ways we're learning to let go...learning to fly

I love my city,
I've had the option of living elsewhere but I've always picked Mumbai
There's something about the contradictions inherent in the city, that I ca relate to
the chaos the dichotomies, so much a part of me...
I love my city
And I'm deeply pained by the constant attempts of various forces to bring it down
I take it very personally
I feel attacked and under threat
But I cannot live in fear
I refuse to...
in 2003 the day after the bomb was diffused in bus no. 312
I boarded it as usual and went to university
resilience?
perhaps the essence of the city
the refusal to be cowed down or a death wish that's bursting at its seams
seems the mood today is
"can't get much worse" v/s "it just did"

I thought about you when my faith started to wander
when I woke up with the urge to flee
I have so many places to run to and so many pieces of me
I thought at first I'd turn to you but have you closed that door?
The only thing i'm sure of....I don't want to run no more....

Sometimes I wonderwhat you're doing here
like a ship without mooring you've strayed my dear
into an uncharted sea
landed up on a deserted island rocky with pieces of me
We know the power of memories we know just what they bring
we've both had more than our fair share and we both brought something
you tell me so much of who you're not
I can only imagine what you could be
you who spins out clever lines and lives by the undefined "we"
Master of evasiveness and keeping things vague
avoiding all show of sentimentlike the plague
you burst into my lifeyou made a splash, a scene
like a box of chocolate you brought me, dark,white, bitter sweet and soft centered....

I think I need a weekend to recover from this weekend
its aptly entitled d & C do walkeshwar
LOL
he due to a fever that affected his brain, turned into wonder boy
and whisked me away to my fave club, as we cudddled and swayed through the night
then the little voice in my head
(or was it an echo of his? )
said,
don't get used to this
(shuddup closet pessimist)
Why is it that I'm surprised by loving gestures?

To the one permanently afflicted by foot-in-mouth disease
(what big feet you have....)
be careful about calling out my name
(aren't you glad you were not having sex at the time?)

In a distress mail to me she said :
I just realized that my bf is the only topic I talk about. I mean we are successful and beautiful women why do we need guyz to make us feel good?
(Why oh why indeed!)
Lately I feel I'm under pressure.
I'm still in the gym to lose weight for him, I'm learning cooking for him and I'm studying for the TOEFL for him! and yet he doesnt appreciate it! I said I don't want to change for anybody..... now look at me.
(love will do that to you babie)
I'm optimistic now especially that after our last fight (misunderstanding) I wanted to break up with him and for a second I felt I'm mature enough and able to go on withoout him. All we have to do dear is wait and so let's tell time to "bring it on!"

If indeed there's a garnd design, destiny, serendipity

its gotta be better than this

PLEASE!

I don't need this
not now!!
s-i-g-h
universe you do this to me
repeatedly
I'm some one's test
and now you're testing me
you give me a hand to hold
and then snatch the ground beneath my feet
Today I am Tired lost and weak
who knows what tomorrow will bring...

There were grunts and complaints galore
she spoke of the wet n damp of mopping floors
I crouched further in my chair, avoiding her gaze
i'd had none of those
felt guilty for being indulgent
on a rainy night when the wind doth blow
in a swanky suburban beach front lounge
we giggled shamlessly, huddled n cuddled for warmth (ahem! or so i told myself)
slowly chewing on yummy (over priced??) food
stood on the deck and shivered (from the rain or the feel of him)
watching the weather wreck havoc accross the beach...
two days of lying in bed reading, eating and basically doing nothing
the moment the rain ceased to lash its fury upon our city
we ventured out again, hand in hand to the nearest cafe
filling our souls with chocolate and conversation
while the rest of the world mopped floors
happy indulgent and now guilty
s-i-g-h
why is it that I bleed for anothers cut?

(lighter vein)
(for readers who find me too morose)
R to R
(a variation of he said/ she said)
him: u want to know right?
r: yeah yeah (eyes wide and all that)
him: we went out more than a coupla times and maybe there might be something
r: really?really? wow. i knew it(big smile and then some)
him:now i gotta tell u something else
r:what is it?
him: i am the real spiderman
r:what?(super confused look)
him:yup that i am
r: but i dont understand
him: i am the real spiderman
r: but how is that related?
him:(shrug)
after a while...
r:hey tell no, what has spiderman got to do with...?
him:be quite and watch the match
r:i dont understand(whisper type)

LOL n that's why he's funny boy...

After a really enjoyable day/date
I like to replay the entire event/ situation in my head
i'll usually lie in bed
savouring the conversation/ the sensations....everything
that's what I was doing yesterday as i lay in bed
and realized when he said, "at least then I'll have company..."
he hadn't meant me...
(curse of episodic memory)
poor egocentric me, steeped in my own naivety