There's a certain amount of numbness seeping over me
I'm trying not to think, and analyse
and its woring
a zombie like minute to minute disregarding of everything
its not a visible change
I'm very good at masking
can you tell?

On Saturday night he said....
"You're the kind of girl who'd have made my (ex) girlfriend insecure"

well I guess that's the person I'd love to be 24/7
but today its go to sleep vs can't fight the moonlight

You know you're in trouble when.....
your bf calls you international
and you fail to recognize its him

"Jealousy, is love's insecurity" he said
so that's it?
That's the explanation?
If I love,I'm bound to be jealous?
(not acceptable...)

Sometimes people can't believe that they're with the people they're with
that's because their self concept hasn't let them believe that they deserve that much (love/happiness/goodness they see in their other)
so when they have it, they're constantly worried about loosign it or the other person finally figuring out that they've made a mistake and are going to leave them immediately once they see what the person sees, then self preservation kicks in and all at once its over....

Its really disconcerting to me
when fiction, reminds me of my reality
(but if nobody speaks of remarkable things, then how can they be called remarkabkle?)

Sometimes I wonder
would you know a good thing
if it came up from within you and slit you in the throat


I hear your voice on the CD
as each song begins
(I play them consecutively)
It's funny how many of those
you chose for me are already songs I love
(serendipity?)

It's been a time for change
dilemma and discovery
It's been a time for trials and revelations
and I'm still standing there
a permanent cliff edge
more than I can bear

He says the sweetest things
and then says I am evil...
he's trying so hard to be mean...
(I think I tapped a nerve he would like to forget)
calls me to tell me he shouldn't have said it
(you still would've felt it )
I'm glad you did...
(you know you've helped me remember....)

I feel violent
I want to crash into you
deep into you
i want you to feel
half as much as i feel
strike out or catch this
we're playing with matches
matcless and going up in flames
i stood on a cliff just to see
how far you would you go to forget about me
I stood at the edge and knew
if i took a step, i'd be falling for you
taking the plunge is harder than the landing
none of it was my doing none of it my planning
even rivers flow to an end says the sea
the sea, I'm looking down into a reflection of me
he held my face in his hands and said he missed me

are actions are speaking louder than words
and i'm wholly mistrustful of both
my mighty pen is now a sword
choose which end you'd like to be at
he said he couldn't be that
I wish I could be,
as irrelevant as you've made me out to be

sometimes answers exist
before i can form the questions
that lead me to them....

I hadn't planned on us meeting
it happened nevertheless
took on a life of its own
the universe knows best
amidst the unknowns
one feeling felt true
you'd make me happy
Somehow I knew

Its not what you can see
but what you're willing to face
going with the flow?
or running a race
dealing with the endless challenge of you
somehow I knew I could loose you

All of its finite
all this will end
you convinced me of this
time and again
pushed all my buttons
with the questions you threw
yet somehow I knew I could love you