I know we're both in the developmental stage of intimacy v/s isolation so matters of the heart are taking priority, but how much of our lives can it dominate?

I see myself repeatedly bogged down by attempts at relating, and I flinch at the slightest rebuff, where is my self worth??
Is this a woman thing?? or do guys actually feel the same way??


"I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated


Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me."


Alanis Morisette--> So Unsexy.

When They told me this course was tough, I smiled and thought, I love tough stuff, each time I work through it, its just another way of telling me, how good I am :-D hehehehe
But I was thinking in terms of academics, its like i'm here to learn right So BRING It ON I said...
But they weren't talking about the academic course work, they were subtly referring to the course itself and how it will change you, and make you think and dig deep and reveal your shadow to you....whether you're ready or not...
Its like Gitika was saying, "Chris,this year, this course will make you face your demons, they'll literally sit across from you, in the shape of clients, counselors and even guys you date"
and I sighed coz every word was true
I've been struggling with a couple of demons wrestling them back and forth in my head, as I pondered the impact of a self image that's been mine since forever, and for the first time questioned its place in my life... It it really mine, and what is it doing to you and the me that everyone else seems to see...
I was miserable for a bit...
And then Papa said:
"happiness is what you make for yourself it's all in your own mind; so don't struggle
just make it happen..."
I guess I'll roll with the resistance and see where this will take me...

The blog is Now TWO YEARS OLD
:D I'm happy Its lasted this long...but do feel like lately I've sold out to the "I got no time" excuse.....
miss blogging, miss following mindless threads on the msg board (it still exists BY THE WAY)
But hey TWO YEARS old and not off blogger so here's to more blogging years...filled with good old theraputic venting
:D