An excerpt....



"you never write about me", he says strumming softly on his guitar

I look up from my book, "what?" my voice betrays my slight irritation

"yeah" he says "why don't you write about me"

"oh so now you want me to write about you?" I ask

"well you write about everyone else" he says

he sounds petulant, like a child who feels denied

"what do you want me to say?"

now he looks irritated, "oh you mean there's nothing you can write about?"

"I never said that" i retort, defensively

"i was just giving you choice of what you would like me to write about"

his eyes relent, "well anything, write about that time at the beach"

"the jelly fish incident" I say smiling

"No way! that reeks of a FRIENDS episode"

he ponders for a bit

I'm amused he must really want this

"talk of how we met" he said

"how we met?" I repeat smiling

he nods strumming softly again, the tune we both loved

I hum along and return to my reading

"so you will write?"

I smile

yes I say I will write

and I did

THE PERFECT WAY TO CUT YOURSELF
An excerpt----->
He always wore long sleeves,
I found myself wondering what his arms looked like,
always, always a puzzle,
I wondered what was up his sleeve
a few days later when he took my hand in his,
I turned his palm over looking for answers in the map-work of lines
As I slid back the cotton cuff and I remember thinking
his wrists are way too thin for a boy this big,
there uncovered lay his veins and a white-ish scar running perpendicularly, like he'd crossed a T,
I looked up at eyes filled with vulnerability
and asked"battle scars?", "me against myself" said he
"you did it wrong", I said "vertical not horizontally"
"I do not know what is more scary,
the fact that you recognize what I did
or the fact that you know how to do it correctly"
said he

is there a map for the lost?
is it in the lines on our plam
or the ones we carve on wrists
as we attempt in blood
to re-write our destiny

10,000 visitors to the blog since march 2007


Wow, I didn't really know so many people would read, re-read and want to keep reading about the life of one very regular girl (I deliberately avoid ordinary, regular yes, ordinary no)


When I started to write in 2002 blogs were just emerging on the Indian scene, people had so many mixed reviews, he still can't imagine why someone would want to "put it out there" , the earliest posts are so silly they're sweet, when i re-visit my archives I see a growing me reflected in the writing, an evolution as such of a girl, a sub-altern view, a personal history, much more than just a diary, I have to admit that

What started off as a space, to vent

Quickly became a tool to evoke, annoy and amplify Sentiment

They say Love is friendship on fire :)
and I must say it's getting hot in here :)

I have to take an additional dose of dietary fibre everynight
so I have a constant suppy, I ran out the day before
and was supposed to stop off at the chemist to replenish my stock last night
however we were dining with my cousin and I forgot.
On the ride home he talked of his early morning appointment
and how he was glad we were making it an early night
he dropped me off and drove off when I realised I'd forgotten
to go to the day-n-night chemist and pick up my stuff
"oh no forgot to buy fibre that's 2 days in a row"
I said in my good night text to him
I undressed and lay on the couch to watch sex and the city
when about 20 mins later my phone rang
it was him, come down stairs he said
what's the matter I said racing down celllphone in hand
out of the lowered glass he held in his hands
the box of my meds
I was over whelmed grabbing open the door
I slid onto the passenger seat on my knees and planted a kiss on his cheek
I love you
&
you love me
you L-O-V-E me
and what's even more important you show me
everyday why it's you I am marrying....

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven, like so many friends we;ve lost along the way....

Last night I dreamt of her again, I was surprised to find her perched upon the table beneath the stairs below the cupboard shaped like a qudrilateral and rightly called so. Surprise is not the only feeling guilt is also there (still there), guilt about forgetting, guilt over her neglect, where have you been babie I say, and stroke her head, her back, as I instinctively feel with my finger tips for ticks. There they are, the bane of our existence (mine and hers) fat and grey-green like bullets I dare not pull them out as blood will ooze and cause sores that might fester and lie like open invitations to maggots my worse nightmare.
There they are dotting her ears like ear studs, I grab a pair of siscors and snip them three quaters of the way down holding on to their fat blood filled bodies with a thick wad of news paper so that her blood is not on my hands, but it is...
I should've been there for her, not spent the entire summer sunning myself on a beach and dangling my feet over the edge of the docks watching pretty boats and dreaming that I owned one...
I snip at the ticks with a vengence, this way their heads still buried in her skin will just fall off later like scabs.
and rock her smelling her doggy smell, the hints of no-tick shampoo and powder, she's wearing dad's old red t-shirt which I've forced on to her. her paws sticking out of the sleeves, looking at me with her large brown eyes, , she shows no malice no hurt, she continues to lie in my arms and snuggles closer, she still loves me, and I wake up to tears of relief....I feel forgiven!

A 1000 miles seems very far but we've got planes and trains and cars.....

Me: 5 Spice is now open in lokhandwala and has taken away my only reason for meeting you in bandra.
he: we'll just have to go to TOTO's then
Me: Oh so now you're comfortable taking me to TOTO's (giggle)
He: Don't see any other viable option, except Zemzi.
Blech

You came looking for yourself here
came to see, what I had made of my misery
over you leaving. You came to check up on the grieving.
You sounded almost disappointed there was no trace
of my sorrow over losing you to another place.
I've told you,

There are days when I don't think of you
and feel guilty because I forgot to remember
not remembering is chocolate salve for wounds I lick
not remembering is proof to self that I have dealt with it
not remembering is consolation prize, for masking lies

There are days when I mention you and hush up instantly
you are now, he who shall not be named...

and then there are nights,
where we still read in silence and eat pizza
as we sit on your bed
laughing at something you or I had said

A tag ----> From Satish's blog
1. Last movie you saw in a theater?
Righteous Kill
2. What book are you reading?
"eating india"
3. Favorite board game?
"battle ship" "monopoly"
4. Favorite magazine?
erm? i dunno Vogue?
5. Favorite smells?
Givenchy's Hot (haute) Couture
tandoori chicken
6. Favorite sounds?
alternative rock
7. Worst feeling in the world?
betrayal
8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
currently: blue book and stepper
9. Favorite fast food place?
food court at Infinity
10. Future child’s name?
alexandra
11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….?
travel a lot more
12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
only when he's eaten a lot ;)
13. Storms - cool or scary?
cool
14. Favorite drink?
caprioshkas
15. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?
still end up needing more time
16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
nope
17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?
black
18. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in?
Bombay----> why would I move?
19. Favorite sports to watch?
swimming (I once watched a live IPL match)
20. What’s under your bed?
desk, I have a bunk
21. Would you like to be born as yourself again?
Oh YES!
22. Morning person, or night owl?
both
23. Over easy, or sunny side up?
none
24. Favorite place to relax?
by the ocean
25. Favorite pie?
apple
26. Favorite ice cream flavor?
caramel & strawberry

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