hey hey hey
(a welcome change from ho ho ho)
I know I've been a bad blogger
but I had planned to slip in a huge last post of 2004
when half way through it, opera ate it up :(
so instead of re-typing all of it I'll just say that
the last week has been one party after another
this party girl is all partied out
tonight is one last party of 2004,
which I must say has to be the best year I've had as an adult...
go go 2004
But I have a feeling about 2005
I feel a wild ride coming on

lets go over 2004 and see some of the stuff I've done:

I came second in my masters specialization at university
YAY
I actually got into B's course and have survived thus far
YAY
I'm (un) gainfully employed
YAY
I had two jobs and have already quit one
YAY
I'm still in training, but will be done in a couple of months
YAY
My old appartment in K has a new look
YAY
I've lost four killo's since july
YAY
I can look at my inbox and not feel bad if he hasn't written
YAY
I have two friends who actually got married
YAY
I got to wear a traditional east-indian sari
Yay
My parents were home for christmas :D
YAY
Kal, divi and myself went on our first trip to goa alone (sans parental supervision)
YAY
I met "him"
:D

most over eaten food of 2004
chicken

most over rated drink of 2004
cosmopollitan

My personal favourite drink of 2004
bacardi and coke, and the long island ice tea

cafe most often visited
barrista at yari road

cafe I wish I'd visited more often
coffee day at carter

club I wish I danced at more often
Polly Esther's

club I never thought I'd visit
Boat club

fave place to dine of 2004
Mashesh

place I'd like to visit more in 2005
Lemon grass, and any place i can gt "him" alone ;)

place I want to take him to
urban tadka and polly esther's

place I haven't been to at all in 2004
Legacy of China

Place I have to get him to take me too in 2005
MOKSH

Book I have to finish in 2005
Daz's e-book

Book I should return in 2005
kal's copy of lotr

Person I should mail more often in 2005
dipik's and bobby.

Place I should visit more often
My church's grave yard

People I should call more often
my gran.

People I should call less
LOL need I even type this one out??

I welcome myself back after scary Khandala trip...
:P
not so bad, not so bad at all...
(how dido, of me...)
in a very crazy, party, I wanna go out NOW kind of mood
can't wait for parents to get here, so excited about christmas,
and so many occasions, another friend gets married this week....
more parties post christmas, truly the season to be jolly
fa la la la la, la, la la la

have to do major gift packing...
and still haven't bought parents anything....
waaaaaaaaaaaaaa

will make resolution not to waaaaaaaaaaaa
anymore
wonder will it work??

So yesterday
He came to visit me at class!!!
:D
It was so unexpected,
what with our schedules being on overload
I'd expected to see him only next week
so this was just lovely
he called it our "Mid-week bonus"
and I awwwwwwwwed it inside :D
outside I was too busy being inhibited on the bench
and being vigilant for God Knows who!!!
hai hai
wasted precious moments being anxious over the anxiety disorders class
and didn't even get to be all creamy with my hot one
:S @ self

I'm getting creepy dirty calls from the following numbers please to be spaming them
or harassing them as much as they're harassing me...

05692236740
9820447114
:(

for elementary...and H

like a summer breeze
or winters freeze
we pass each other by
crisscrossing in the universe
and never knowing why
transient beings
you and I

Oh My God,
Today's video taped session rocked!!!
Was fantastic he was in his element as a therapist
I was WOW-ed (and I rarely am...)
(pls call me for details)


Then I got, to the station and something made me wanna walk home...
(I never walk home)
and there he was perched on a bike...with a friend (bespectacled nerd who's mother happens to be a colleague of mine, damn the universe and 6 deg of separation)
(I could just picture him discussing me with his friends later...)
he called out to me, or else I'd have missed him...
he, was the first boy to ever give me a valentine :D
and while talking to him,
he seemed to be still in complete awe of me, just like when we were in 9th grade....
and I remembered it, like it was yesterday
It had been our Self Governing Day and I had dressed up,
it was a day of firsts actually,
First time I wore a salwar khameez to school
first time I wore make up ?(lipstick and kajal)
First time i fell in love with kajal and never stopped wearing it...
and then...the quiet afternoon math class
and him thrusting an envelope into my hand clumsily
as he jumped on his cycle pedalling furiously away....
before I had a chance to look at what it was...
he gave my friends cards too, so as not to make his crush look too obvious
but as one of them astutely pointed out, only mine said "love H..."
(theirs said "with best wishes", lol)

We chatted for a while and he said, "How come you're wearing pink??"
I didn't have the time to explain that Ms 'just one of the boy's', was now gurlie gurl, with pink being my signature color...
"you're thin now" he blurted out...
and I didn't want to explain that being 7 killos lighter since 9th grade would make anyone look thin...
there seemed to so much he wanted to say, little details spilled out,
along with more clumsy lines, and an even clumsier dinner invitation
which I politely declined...
he asked for my number, I neglected to take his...

another transient, fleeting meeting...

So it was a weekend of girlie gurl fun, and meeting up with boys
we played some old tunes (like 2001-2002 LOL)
and turned off the lights and danced like crazee
Then hooked up with S, now its only coz of K and D
that I actually spent and cont to spend time with S
S is what some girls in my school would call a CAD, short for Cadbury
as in--- "Chocolate Boy" (commmon junta phrase for quintessentially cute boy)
or just S-W-E-E-T
but he consequently has "cute boy syndrome" or "CBS" (pls look up "dumb blonde")
perhaps I'm being a tad unfair...
but when someone's conversation with me is limited to "You'll are scaring me, ya", "You're mad, ya ", "You'll are mad, ya", (and other variants of the afore mentioned)
see its hard to be NJ...
Ok so we met heem,
and he said the afore mentioned lines, repeatedly
and not in that particular order...(thank God at least he mixed them up...)
Ya ok so he is perhaps the generic "cute boy"
and we discussed this at length
and later we got confirmation of all that had buzzed through our heads
when driving home, we stopped at the intersection,
as he politely let this girl drive by,
and the other girl in the back sea, turned 180 deg to get a better look at S!!!
who said women don't leech, oh yes they do,
this one had this look--> the OH MY GOD he's sooo Hot look
yeah well I told him and he didn't believe me...
see this is why I can stand S, unlike most boys suffering from CBS, he doesn't have a swollen head...
(just a hollowish one...)
:O biatch @ me
can't even blame it on the surfing coz I'm all wiped out..
So I'll say some thing nice about the other boy
We got to hang out with A, A was sweet and he was so excited about Mumbai
and with one who's heart will always be on mumbai time,
that scored a lot of points..
then telling me how cool my phone was and requesting for some of the stuff I had on the phone scored points too, as did the carrying of my shopping bags...hehehehehe
:D
so yay
Now off to make concrete plans to bring in the new year,

New Answering Service Installed at Mental Health Institutes....

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line.

If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic-stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."

"you're in a sense a projection of all that was good, in what he lost, or wasn't able to hold on to, and in that sense, you're doomed as he already believes he can't hold on to you..."

Then I am not me?? if I'm all of what he likes to see...is THAT what he sees in me?? or conversely,what if he sees enough negativity to end up hating me??
the worse part is none of this has anything to do with me,
and everything to do with HIS internal representation of me!!

We're always going to be distanced then, interacting not with the person in the "NOW" who we're actually with.... but with our ideas of each other,
and the problem with ideas is that, they're always OUR OWN perceptive fantasies....

Are My insecurities, my fear of rejection, of disapproval going to distort forever my experience of you of me of us right NOW?

and suddenly I'm five again and I'm falling into that tank and I'm scared, and I'm tired, and I wonder who's hand will grab me this time and pull me up...
and I'm hoping it will be...

the discussion was on men (lately I find it mostly is...)
and how Indian men aren't as domesticated as their western counter parts
I listened for a bit, having met quite a few multitasking all rounders
I didn't volunteer an opinion
and then i remembered brit guy outside the changing room at Zanzibar in Baga
He saw me waddling across the sand
with my flip flops in one hand,little calvin klien bag with swim wear int eh other and towel drapped round my shoulders
as I headed for the little tap
with disgust plastered over my face,
the slippers being matted with sand...eww
and he said need some help
I nodded a yes too embarassed to acknowledge with words
I expected him to turn on the tap...that being help enough...
but he took the slippers from me and proceeded to wash them under the tap
rubbing them vigrously even the undersides with his hand!!!
I stood stunned for a few seconds and then said "don't"
and he paused looking confused he said, apologetically,
"oh you don't want them wet??"
"Oh no thats ok" I said quickly "they're just ewww, you don't have to touch them"
he smiled and dimissed my feeble protests saying "ah well its only sand"
I wasjust very shocked, and when he finished I just muttered a thank you very much
and waddled away quickly (well as quickly as I could over baga's loose sand, whilst trying not to get any into, My new reebok sliders)
I heard a woman who came out of the changing room say to him, "trying to be a gentle man B"
Damn add on I said in my head as I willed myself not to turn and look
and then he called after me saying, "Hey now don't you go dropping them"
I looked back and flashed him a huge smile..
Later he re appeared at Zanzibar with the add on, he had showered and changed
but it was so awkward...then he looked at me,
but I stared back expressionlessly so he looked away quickly
what do you say to someone who's hand has been on the underside of your flip flops??
They appeared to be getting ready to leave, and as he walked by... he waved bye
my friends raised their eye brows, I hadn't told them about what had transpired
what do you say about someone who's hand has been on the underside of your flip flops??
all of the above I guess...
:D

Christmas Cards for the Psychologically Challenged:

Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality Disorder: We Three Kings Disoriented Are

Dementia: I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas

Narcissistic: Hark, the Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and
Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and
Fire Hydrants and...

Paranoid: Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me


Depression: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All Is Flat, All Is
Lonely

Passive-Aggressive Personality: On The First Day of Christmas My True
Love Gave To Me (and then took it all away)

Borderline Personality Disorder: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.