Tonight's The Night
YAY
the moment I get back home
I'll want to get away again
(eternally discontent!!)
s-i-g-h

The rains are there yet?
with my luck they'll come pissing down
just as I step out of the airport
drenching my bags
and pissing me off

in other news
Today I hate everything....

so i can see vigorous commenting happening
peepul! remember to have fun
that's the whole point
if you're not having fun
stop playing

But on a positive note
there's pressies are waiting for me
I do so love giving n getting presents
YAY

(just re-read this post...talk about mood swings!!)

hopefully the airport won't look like this---->

TWO days to go people!!
BTW My readership is increasing
and I have got requests to write
some more about what I think of certain issues/various subjects
and not just boys!
HAW!
yes yes there is more to life than boys, assures one such (so called) friend!
:P
(kidding you know I lurve you...)
so perhaps y'all might wanna let me know
what to write about...
for now I will not write about boys but about impending return
so i start work (s-i-g-h)
sooner than soon
and you have till 6pm kuwait time today
for last minute shopping requests...
only bloody allowed 20 killos!!!!
(and not in mood to flash clevage at check in guy)
(ooops i spoke about boys!!)
And I have made the most delightful friend at my club!!
pity we met so late in my vaccation
but i promise to write and keep in touch

oh and people who are commenting...
I'm tired of annonymous comments
use a user name!!!
(you don't have to be terribly clever, just see some of the other ones and play along)
the other fields are optional don't let them scare you...

Ahhh I have a sore sore sore throat!!
which thinks its a vampire or like nocturnal creature
only showing up at night in whoping coughing bouts
leaving me sleepless and unable to eat ice-cream
(which might be a good thing)
only three days to go
before i get back
and I'm trying to cram all shopping
into my color co-ordinated luggage
Oh I almost forgot
I went to la senza and got the cutest bi-kini ever(ok in my opinion)
(I shouldn't have to say that, the whole site is my opinion)
(back to bikini's)
finally one I can wear in public without constant cringing

he says the site has become a new religion for him
says first thing he does when he gets to work is check it
cannot stop reading, or demanding for posts when there are none
ahhhhhh sweet sweet external affirmation....
(or plain ol' paving...remember paving???
PAVING: to pave the way to; as in to attempt to get it on with someone; Hindi version is....Line Lagaoing
use in a sentence----------->" Man you're pathetic trying to pave with the chick your ex hates!!"
coined by R the original fuckwit)
But seriously he has got to stop acting like the jealous boyfriend!
(Because you're not....)
and I have a lot of friends
and I will giggle with my friends at all hours of the night
and for the record, I just said I was with a friend
you made the asumption of which gender the friend was
and assumption is the mother of all F@*# up's
(you might want to keep that in mind
before you go tripping about now.....)

Ok Ok
Here it is...
PUBLIC APOLOGY
TO MY DEAREST ANT
who is lovely and sweet and special
and I am a horrid girl for not writing or replying in the pic is ant (to the right)and his cousin in the U S of A

I've always had a fear of the "other woman"
not merely loosing my man to another woman but being the other woman. I think its happened a couple of times in the past (ok more than a couple of times) to have made me absolutely terrified of finding myself in that role...and then when we spoke the other day, I casually asked him about her, oh we broke up about 2 months ago, he said even more casually, *TWO months ago? my mind quickly did a rough calculation* OMG!! thats the month he visited me!!
Immediately I'm guilty, and I cannot get snitches of conversation and images out of my mind.
I should not have been part of that lie...
and its all coming back to me
and then Mr. Blast from the past calls, and he got the worst of it....my mind was screaming HOW DARE HE, even as my voice was calm as i voiced the words....
If you're marriage sucks you should be calling your wife NOT ME
it's been eating at the back of my head
so many instances yet I can't see
what is it about me?
I refuse to be the other woman to myself i said
just as I'll be second to none
just as I want to be his only one

this afternoon the house was quiet
but he couldn't nap
sleepless just like me
I found him on the couch on my way to the kitchen, he called me to him for a chat
we were half way through our tete a tete when I saw saw her standing in the doorway
she was looking right at me...I couldn't meet her gaze and nothing was said
in that moment I knew
one sudden moment of clarity
I already was the other woman
even though I'd never want it to be
all my life, her "other woman" was.......
ME

OH MY GOD
There’s a strange man in my living room
I was busy posing in front of the mirror
Trying to make my hips lie
(failing miserably at shakira shakes)
when I heard a strange voice
peeped and saw this man
sitting at the table flanked on either side by mum n dad
doing something strange with water in two of our glasses
with some sort of machine
came-ee-kals he said came-ee-kals
I couldn’t bear it any longer and
slunk in to get a closer look
(NEVER A DULL MOMENT!!)
look !!he said beaming at me
lifting a glass of dirty water
with bands of coloured sedimentation
the bottom was yellowish
the next bad greenish the upper one clear
and then a thick brown layer at the top like crude oil floating
the came-ee-kals the came-ee-kals (translated---the chemicals)
he said pointing at the glass
what water is that I asked
the water you dreenk (translated—drink) he said triumphantly
My eyebrows shot up
(those who know me know I only drink bottled water)
whats going on, I asked?
he’s a sales guy said dad by way of explanation
My mother stared mesmerized at the water infront of her
Thees one is from your taps thees one is your meeneral water he said
(still more beaming)
is that device for electrolysis I asked
(after an eternity of staring at those glasses)
perching myself on one arm of the sofa
the beam stopped instantly
YES! He said you know eet? The eeelectrolysis?
Yes I said you’re splitting water into its components
YES! And here are the components the came-ee-kals
The clue-reen, flu-reen, eth-set-ra
(chlorine, fluorine, etc)
He then showed us the brochure for this new machine
A glorified version of an aqua guard
that (allegedly, pronounced a-leg-ed-lee)really really purifies the water
Keeping its salts but removing the chemicals
Before I knew it, there was another strange man
This time in the kitchen, installing this machine!!
In the span of 30 mins it was done and we were 35g’s lighter
I can’t imagine what’s in my water in mumbai
And what I don’t know
Will certainly hurt me
But at least I don’t know
Coz once you know
How can you continue to ignore
(mum offered them glasses of juice when the installation was done
see under the circumstances water just wouldn’t do..)

I just had the best time last evening
He decided I should try this new restaurant
then at the signal a bunch of twelve year olds decided to call out to me from the bus
(s-i-g-h I cannot believe 12yr olds are hitting on me)
(I am doomed)
are they talking to me I asked
(just checking)
I think so he said and turned at the next exit with me cracking me
what?I said
!!what?!! He replied looking X tremely uncomfortable
nothing that was really funny I said
still cracking up
I’m old enough to be their mother I continued
Not really he said laughing and finally lightening up
“you do like spicy food right?”
he asked for like the 100th time
yes yes I said smiling
Banana leaf is this tiny place
Serving up the best of south Indian cuisine
He got all excited pouring over the menu with me
Well what would you like he asked
Your place your call I said
(I hate making mass ordering decisions which will affect everyone’s taste buds so he can take the fall)
ok he said
we’ll have this, you’ll like this oh and this I just love this and this I hope you like this too make that 2 of this and 7 of those and….
GOOD GOD are you ordering food for the whole of Salmiya!!!!!
What its barely anything!! You better eat ok, he warned you’re looking malnourished and pale
PALE!!! I’m brown as a biscuit I’ve been lying on the beach all day
(I am brown, at *bucks, HE asked me brown sugar or white? One of each please I replied…hmmm just like your color all mixed up n bronze he said
OH MY GOD he said bronze!! I said in my head)

Soooo back to the food story, after getting the food we were driving home to share it with the parents….and then he’s going the other way…
Where? I asked he grinned
Stopping by my fave coffee place
I can’t drink coffee before dinner I won’t be able to eat a thing
We can take it home with us he said
I could’ve hugged him, so thoughtful
(but was restrained by seat belt, and the fact that he would’ve thought I was insane)
we finally got home
and I ate soooooooooo much
(really I ate a lot)
the food was great flavours were unlike anything I’ve eaten before
loaded with spices and left my tongue tingling
with my yummy coffee to finish
and London dairy’s very strawberry dolloped into mum’s lovely bowls
I chopped some fresh strawberries over his
To show my appreciation for a great evening….
Tomorrow he’s taking us to an island!!!
(1n a 1/2 hr ferry ride away, and we’re taking the car!!)

Sometimes in some ways
you'll see how mistakes are misplaced
There are moments if you dare
to catch yourself unaware...
caught my reflection
but it reminded me of you
still standing behind a wall of glass
there's not much a girl can do
I'm afraid of 7 years of bad luck
if I crack the mirror to get through
if I ask the right questions?
if I take that test
will you put these doubts to rest?
make everything alright
they think it would
forget forget
you think I should?
can understand, can't undo
can't unremember...it's impossible to
with all the words in the world
that I hold dear...
I cannot make your vision clear.

I 'm always observing the women
at my health club
(its quite amusing really)
these women are unemployed
and basically have nothing to do
most of them are grossly overweight
(which makes me feel much better about my size)
They're very clique-ish
and see the health club as a place to socialize
they come to hang out and chat and of course
shed their clothes....I've found that the
number and nature of the clothes worn inside the gym
is inversely proportional to the clothes they wear outside
(its a women only club so they really go to extremes)
And yes there are the serious worker outers
who do everything but they're too few to be mentioned here!!
But mostly there are the ones who come just to be seen
they dress up, I mean DRESS UP
matching trainers, matching caps and bandanas
(you must remember the club is indoors)
(in the BASEMENT)
there are these three women i watch everyday
they do not work out (not at all)
I mean not at all,they hang out in the changing room
they change and hang out by the mirrors
they stroll by the pool
drink juice at the little snack station
they smoke
they stroll by again and check out their reflection
they disappear from sight as i do a flip in the water
when i resurface they're by the mirrors again
(I dunno how they're gonna loose weight)
then i'm done with the pool my water aerobics
and I'm in the changing room
there they are again
re-doing their make-up
blow drying their hair
that they didn't even get wet!!
(they just strolled by the pool
didn't actually get in it!!)
while I got dressed one of them changed into another gym outfit!!
as if the other one was soaked in sweat!!!
by the time I left
she was back at the mirrors checking out her butt!!!

Oh then there are the smokers
the little snack section's divided into 2
making one the smoking section
For a HEALTH Club there's a lot of smoking going on
the smokers are a bunch of large middle aged women
who sit in the smoking area
chatting while a thick cloud engulfs them
they're going the right way to slimmer lungs!!

on the other side is the snacking bunch
who eat much more than they work out
they're the ones watching the pool chatting n chomping
sandwiches and green apples
tall glasses of juice
get consumed in large quantities
as do cups n cups of coffee and biscuits
Oh and then there are the tiffin ones
the ones who bring out the large tupperware boxes
spooning je ne sais quoi
on to the plates of their friends
showing off the culinary talents and exchanging recipes
weight loss??
MY ASS!!

Then there is me
who was challenged to a race
by a ten year old
I can't race you I said
i'm too old
14's not old she said
its ok I'm 10 i'll be 11 soon
i looked at her in disbelief
I'm not 14
how old then she asked 16? 15?
doing a back flip n making me jealous
add ten more years, i said
No way she said choking on her attempted flip
that kinda made me feel bettter
(the fact that she thought I was so young,
not the fact that she screwed up her flip and was choking)
HAW!! how could you even think that!!
(today i did flips in the deep end
I didn't choke)

HE re surfaced last night!!
I really don't think I've ever been pursued quite like this before
I mean seriously, according to the behaviorist school of thought
me saying "no, I can't go out with you" every time he's asked
is supposed to lead to extinction of the asking behaviour
which is what I thought had happened....

You see after we met,
I was content just texting back n forth younnoh

:) he sends me messages in italian, spanish and french
he texts me poetry!!
didn't really want to go out

coz even though he said it wasn't
it sure felt like a date
and I'm already dating someone
(and I don't kid myself)


yes yes, He knows I have a boyfriend,
but it t'wasn't enuff for him...

(he doesn't know I'm the high priestess of sms)
Then a couple of days after K left
he kinda gave me an ultimatum
gist of it was
i can't do this texting b-s
don't text me go out with me
I didn't reply to that one
also my life went into personal over haul
(simultaneously)
so he stopped texting and I stopped texting
and I had quite forgotten all about him
(damn I have a short attention span, but under the circumstances well....)
untill last night....
when he re-surfaced!!
haven't had a guy try and impress me in a long time
(I'm impressed by his perseverance)
and the gist of it was
I will be behind china gate in a blue BMW convertible at 4
and I will blow my horn till you come out of your building
or the cops come which ever is sooner
don't be ridiculous
watch me do it, I'll be there,whether you show or no
this is crazy I'm not coming
that's up to you, I'll be there at 4

OH MY GOD!!
But I still don't want to go out with him

He said we can be good friends

hehehe well these days,
everybody wants to be "good friends" with me
even he
how unfortunate....
I want what I want what I want
spare me


Oh I almost forgot
a heads up for those who're commenting
the comments don't show up
as soon as they're posted
so click on the comments to read any even if it says 0 comments
coz once you reach the page with the text box
you'll see what everyone else has said...

Oh I'm supposed to remind people there's a comments link up
YAY
apparently I could've done it ages ago
or so he reminded me the other day when we spoke
I had to remind him that I was writing for me
(and sometimes for him)
he said I was chicken and didn't like criticism
I decided to prove him wrong
PLEASE COMMENT!
I'm dying to hear what you think

Speaking of reminding
I need to find a health club
close to andheri
with a steam room and a sauna and a spinning class
a jacuzzi and a pool.

oh I lost a killo
(i think I fretted it out)

I do not deserve you

For the sword outwears its sheath,

And the soul wears out the breast,

And the heart must pause to breathe

And love itself have rest

(byron...for those who didn't already know)

Well What A Week of Wallowing its been
I mean seriously I have got to snap out of this
so I attempted to and let myself
be dragged to the party at marina beach


Younnoh my biggest turn on's probably humour
(but not smart ass comments)
and self confidence
(not arrogance)
(really fine lines though, and they exist, unfortunately for people, only in my head)
well so I met this really cool person
at the marina beach party....
so funny!!
OH MY GOD
its been awhile since I've met someone genuinely funny
who doesn't need to poke fun at others to make a joke
Oh and So Smart
(I think to be truly funny you just have to be smart
not a smart ass
but intelligent smart)
ahhhhhhhhh
"wouI'm gonna take a walk down the beach"
he said
"i need to smoke" he added (as if a walk needed a reason)
casting a sideways glance at his aunt
"ok"
I said
he walked off and I watched him go.....
ahhhhhhhhh
Later my mother asked me
did you get his number?
:S

Then I let myself get dragged to g n m's place
I'd given their bbq a miss and they (she actually)
felt dissed...
So I went with a box of Mr. Baker's finest pasteries
who can resist those
turns out he's got the fat scare
so she's on a diet
oopppsss
after lunch we headed to the mall
she needed shoe advice
I love giving shoe advice
(BTW did you get my shoe mail girls?)
ahhhhhhhhhhh
I don't think she likes the way he
talks to me
Its too weird
I can't do that again

I've asked him not to call me anymore
not untill we're face to face
I guess if we're face to face
he'd feel stupid calling me

Stay away from broken people
you might just cut yourself on pieces of me


It was in his office that he announced his departure for mumbai
she's lives there he said
I glance away from his book case
She's your it girl
he continued, she will hook you up with hot chicks
(I felt strangely pimp like)
Does mumbai have hot chicks he asked
take a look at her he said
(I felt like I wasn't even there)
He got out a date book
I'm there on the 25th he said grinning at me
and back on the 28th
Here take my card I said
Great he said
you're a psychologist?
you sound surprised
I said walking out of his office
he turned to him
I'll call her he said
He chuckled, dude she's not back untill the 1st of june!
My turn to chuckle

Woke up this morning turned on the TV
Heard someone crying, that someone was me
Clutched at the cushion and wept my eyes dry
Went thru the motions of asking myself WHY?
Went to my bedroom lay on the bed
One silent prayer, I wish I were dead
Then I put on my new shoes and my new dress
Looked in the mirror, the reflection’s a mess
Went to the bathroom threw up my lunch
Oh yes! Thanks a bunch!

I heard all that you had to say
I wish you knew how well I understood
after all you see,
whatever bugs me about you,
is a projection of what's wrong in me

if the deck's rigged
then who wins?

this was not my wake up call
not my turn to bet
I'd already checked
in an earlier round...

current mood: weary but willing
current song: Mary J Blige "can't be without you"

Chemistry was crazy from the get-go
Neither one of us knew why
We didn't build nothing overnight
Cuz love takes some time
People swore it off as a phase
Said we can't see that
Now from top to bottom
They see that we did that (yes)
It's so true that (yes)We've been through it (yes)
We got real sh** (yes)
See baby we been...Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)

ok so i already posted part of the song earlier this week
what!!! it keeps playing in my head

ok fine!
another song doing the rounds...
Rihana
It's got me stressing, incessantly pressing the issue 'Cause every moment gone you know I miss you I'm the question and you're of course the answer Just hold me close boy 'cause I'm your tiny dancer You make me shaken up, never mistaken But I can't control myself, got me calling out for help
S.O.S. please someone help me. It's not healthy... for me to feel this way
Y.O.U. are making this hard, I can't take it, see it don't feel right
S.O.S. please someone help me It's not healthy... for me to feel this way
Y.O.U. are making this hard You got me tossin' and turnin' and can't sleep at night

Apparently I'm hard to track down
so in the process of tracking me down
everyone knows
its global news really!!
Feels like someone died
coz everyone's sympathetic
poor, stupid, naive me eh?


(but its my LIFE here or do they forget?)
Current Mood: Numb-ambivalent
Current song: Fall out boy "sugar we're going down"

Drop a heart, break a name. We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team. We're going down, down in an earlier round. And Sugar, we're going down swinging. I'll be your number one with a bullet; A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it.
Is this more than you bargained for yet? Oh don't mind me, I'm watching you two from the closet; Wishing to be the friction in your jeans....

Thank you for the box of chocolates
whoever sent them
I'll eat them when I return to India
Thank you B for the b-day present
I'll find out what it is and whether it fits
when I return to India
Thanks also to Aishwarya Design Studio
for your present
I'm not sure I'll ever be back in your store
because everything you sell is jhankar and guju
wait a minute
I just might be Jhankar and Guju
"Hysterical laughter"

I jinxed it when I said my mood was peaceful
The universe's way of reminding me who's boss

I know I will have my moment in the sun
and life will be as beautiful as can be
but this is not it....and this may never be....
(see I'm not blessed with normality)

things I took for granted, today I had to define
like the sanctity of being held in his arms
and why i felt that space had been trespassed upon
violated!
oh yes I had to explain that feeling

I'm the first to admit that not everyone
comes on board with a full deck
and today is a show of hands
I'm dealing with my personal deck
all laid out before me

do I bet or do I close
either way to the dealer I say
HIT ME

Because I can.........
because he asked........

Unapologetic for the lapse in posting (insert thick british accent)
"I am officially back darlings"

Yes yes still in kuwait
now sans best friend
(no we didn't fight, she had to return to India)
who if I should say so myself had a blast
t'was fun being girly girls and getting pampered
and making shopping our jobs
aha, really now
even sales people at the mall asked us
"Don't you two go to work??"

Oh we did other things too
like lying on the beach all day
getting brown as toast
we swam, sweated it out in the sauna
bubled about in the jacuzzi
oh yes and i got hit on too
I think I like boys who hit on me
when I'm in swim wear
I was just telling two of my girls that
they agree
it gets the fat stretch marks and cellulite out of the way immediately
kinda reduces the pressure
however darlings (revert back to brit accent)
there's no pressure here not over cappuchino
not over anything
LOL
the whole episode reminded me of him
and when we spoke the other day we had a nice laugh about it

it seemed like weird de ja vu

BUT I MISS MY GIRL!
it was great showing her another side of my life
my second home, my routine here
if anything it helps her understand me better
oh and the shopping was GOOOD!
we had a moment where I was literally dragging her out of the mall
and she stopped and said to me
"no one would believe me if i told them, who was dragging who out of a mall"

As i was saying we did other things
we drove, (ok not us but H)
he drove us way out into the dessert
we took pictures with camels and peacocks and ostriches
and dunes
I'm afraid of all of the above
(ok maybe not dunes)
peacocks mew, really peacocks sound like cats

oh and then we stopped at this burger place in the middle of nowhere
and had these giagantic spicy santa fe burgers with these amazing curly fries
then we drove back and straight to the beach
where a n me went jet skiing while k watched
fun fun fun
and then there was the jazz festival
oh it was gooooooood
and dinner was even better
I'm not a huge jazz fan but I love live music
and k got to see it too

We were also supposed to get our eyebrows done
but I was too chicken
K was like, "chris let's it'll be like getting tatoos"
OMG!!! I'm sooooooooooo OLD!!

Ah my birthday forgot all about my crazy birthday
we wnet to the hard rock and the waiters went INSANE!!
and I got lovely presents, that always helps

current mood: peaceful
songs of the moment: hips don't lie, bad day, can't be without you
"I got a question for ya
See I already know the answer
But still I wanna ask you
Would you lie? (no)
Make me cry? (no)
Do somethin’ behind my back and then try to cover it up?
Well, neither would I, baby
I’ll be faithful (yes)
I’m for real (yes)
And with us you’ll always know the deal...."
(for my hon, who I can't wait to be with....)