and then there was...ONE

ahem, darkness my old friend,

where art thou when day

has flooded the place you used to lay your head

heavy upon my breasts

and seeped slowly into my skin

like you were touching me from deep within

ah yes darkness,what place will you lurk in?

what form will you take?

she whispers,watch out for shadows

when you wake,

when day breaks.....

"if some one said three years from now..."

Well I didn't even notice that the number of readers had crossed 8000. I started to write a blog 5 years ago, it was supposed to be an online journal a chronicle of sorts, a place to vent, to comment....Quickly became a tool to evoke, annoy and amplify Sentiment.

I've tried to stay true to my original plot but so many people are made unhappy by this blog, so many people see pit falls and dangers of having it of continuing it and yet I keep writing keep posting...what do I see here? a legacy? some sort ofsub-altern view a narsissictic personal history of histrionic me?

He talked about blogs as more than just accounts of parties we'd been to, he talked of blogs as a vehicle of change, voice of dissent touching lives, reaching everyone with access to the internet... They've got to be more chris he said...and his words are echoing in my head as I type this now....what did this page offer all those who passed by here? a voyeuristic view of other's lives and loves? vocarious living? my blog is hardly the titilating testament of eM just confessions of a hramless kind....a dear diary manifestation of my life my world my mind

& all I know is

You got to give me everything& nothing less cause

You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am

I'm handin' over everything that I've got

Cause I wanna have a really true love

Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up

Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring

& I want to make it worth the fight

What have we been doing for all this time?

Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

I can't explain the sporadic posting, though he has a theory...

your blog is a way to vent angst

now I've taken away your reason for it, he says rather smugly

I smile, for in the begining there was the angst

and the angst was within me

and the angst was me

just got focussed on one or another

as voids were filled more opened up

like lessions on the skin

so where do I begin to explain?

when every new begining comes from some other begining's end?

and endings were not meant for me

but permanent postponning of the inevitable

my position is far from enviable

but still they do

knowing not what's true

still always beneath the mask there's a lot to conceal

a lot i'm "not supposed to feel"

and while the papers spluttered like spores

and the remote hit the floor

I felt like I was outside looking at the girl

who's sweep of hand caused so much panic in one always self assured

shades of grey must be abhorrent in a black and white world

so what becomes of me?

this colourful girl?