SPOILER WARNING: If you haven't seen "perfect stranger" STOP reading here
if you have or if you're one of those who skips over to the last page to see who the killer was
you may continue
So its being plugged as a sexy thriller
but what its ending up being is just another "women as villains" movie
what was formerly just a bleep on the radar earlier,
is turning out to be quite a trend
what with Nicole Kidman in "to die for"
and Michelle Pfeiffer in Batman 2
Kathy Bates in Misery,
Sharon Stone's character in Basic Instinct
(a rare phenomenon, like once in 5-10 years)
lately everyone wants to portray the woman villain
of course she's always a sexual being
halle berry is no exception as roweena
(lol Rowe if you're Reading this, even her nick name is Rowe)
(oh how you would cringe)
lets take a look at latest women villains
Daryl Hannah/Lucy Liu in Kill Bill,
or anyone of the female characters in "Sin city"
the woman is always a sexual being
(except maybe for Kathy bates, but that was from the horror genre)

I think the women's movement being at the stage and in the state its at
more people would like to encash on the "wild woman" archetype
as writers and scholars of the present try their best to appear "liberal/feminist"
the feminie mystique starts to gain prominence
immortalized by the da vinci code
every one wants to glorify the divine feminine
celebrate it
such whole hearted attempts being made in mass media
to tap into our collective unconscious
to rekindle the memory of our undeniable kinship with the wild feminine,
(translated in the movies of today as "the bad girl")
a relationship dusty from neglect,
(only used to bad boys)
buried by overdomestication,
(bad girls end up dead or worse raped and dead)
outlawed by the surrounding culture,
(slut whore)
(well not anymore)

to me its all an elaborate ruse to ignore reality
we're not liberated we're not free
we are as steeped in patriarchy as our mothers
and grandmothers before us
we just think we're free
and we're revelling in this "freedom"
free at last free at last free at last
by our own admission
not realising our consent, yet again has been indeed manufactured

last night the errant ones
the ones who couldn't make it to my birthday
came over...
A n A n M n him n me
just good freinds sitting around
eating spicy kebabs
and drinking daddy's alcohol
I thought it would be safe enough
to play m's drinking game
I have never
:P
since what could they have not done
that I could've?
well plenty as it turns out...
s-i-g-h
my head buzzed about
forever
thank God for rehydration techniques
and a faceful of cream
I plan to look lovely
for dinner tonight
debauchery?
who me?

Speech by Thomas Friedman of the New York Times....
(I think musing will like this...)

"When we were young kids growing up in America , we were told to
eat our Vegetables at dinner and not to leave them, Mothers said,
'think of the Starving children in India and finish the dinner.'

And now I tell my children: ' Finish your math's homework.
Think of the children in India who would make you starve,
if you don't'.

I saw a quote it read....
TIME IS ALL THE LUCK YOU NEED

he said, I saw your comment on musings

and sometimes I think you have depth

sometimes?

the last few posts have been so much about my social life

new readers seem to think that I'm a bougainvillea girl

so i feel the need to re-post this...

You saw the Package

You thought the wrapping, exquisite
You adored the frilly ribbon bow
You were fascinated with the package
So you never bothered to look inside
And when some of the contents spilled out
You were surprised!!
You never knew me

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY
PARENTS!!!!!

Welcome reader from Riverton New Jersey
:)
say hello in comments....

I HAVE RELAPSED!
so much for the party being over....
we stumbled out of my place
ant, in a moment of clarity
mentioning my high heels my staircase
and the glass of vanilla vodka n (diet)coke
was not a good mix
well we still managed to make it to his car
piling into the back seat
and heading to VIE
traffic was bad
but I didn't notice
its funny how things cease to be irritating
when you have vodka
we got to vie
(paper cup still in hand)
but they turned us away
(not becoz of my paper cup)
becoz they were hosting a private party
and I have lost my clout with Vie management
sigh!
this job has taken its toll on me
so we try and find aurus
people please give me
pictorialy directions to aurus
It evades me
I'm sure when I do find it I'll be slapping my forehead sigh
so back to the car
and off to the MARRIOT!
I do so love the Marriot
except for the traffic it causes
but we were safely tucked in
and so was the vodka in my tummy so it didn't matter
Ant missed salmon
so the mezzo it was
both the boys had salmon
I had the anti pasti
which had the best scallops i have ever eaten!!!!!
most of the evening was spent voyeuristically watching
marriot huests in their rooms opposite to us
we even waved at one
who promptly closed the curtains
and peered out from between them
whereupon we waved again
and then as day said he brought out the heavy artillery and drew the drapes
we paid
and I dared the boys to walk across the fountain
hoping that they'd double dare me
but they just didn't bother
I would have totally wlaked across that fountain
so instead I ran all the way to the car
by tht time vodka had vanished
and I stoo dstarng at my feet in gold heels
wondering why the hell I ran?
sigh
now today is really post party depression
ant leaves today
:(
and then....

All Good things....

I think I'm suffering from post party depression
the presents have trickled to a stop
and the cake is over....
and there are unopened bottles of alcohol
I can still see beer cans and coke cans
and fancy silver paper party plates all over the house
or wait perhaps its not a hallucination
and I haven't cleaned up yet?
hmmmmmmmmm
perhaps another party is due?
endless possibilities

All my boys...

and crab

(crab, on the plate, not me)

birthday

YAY!
so the birthday party happened...
and well lets just look at the pics and see how it went...

dad n me

day n me

shre-b babie!

The cake that flew across the seas
n me

kaleex n me

my gora ant n me @ 3!

m n me

dee n me

LAT NIGHT ROCKED!!!!! and tonight will continue to be rocking!!!!!
what a way to turn 25!
daddy showed up!!
returning the surprise (see feb 2005)
bearing gifts
and flooring me complately
DADS!
well the iPOD has been replaced
YAY!
complete with music
thank you funny
I got jewellery from mum
and CAKE!!!!
at work was showered with gifts
including a saree (YES! next open day gets taken care of)
dinner was at Olive
with my two favourite boys
daddy n him
and my awesome dress
and the food was delice!
for appetizers we got a mixed meat selection
from the chef's open grill
daddy stayed with the lamb chops for his entree
he had the pork chainti chops
and I had the gratin of baby lobster which was to die for
YUM!!!!
dessert was a bunch of waiters waving sparklers and
a scrumptious layered mousse cupcake like concoction
washed it down with a capirahna
swweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeettt!
he had the casatta siciliana
which was an architectural wonder on a plate
but was ok, taste-wise
but I had to take a picture of it
will upload asap
hug hugs
people who are invited tonight
do not take the highway here
I repeatdo not take the highway
traffic last night at 9:30 pm
was backed up as far as kalina fly over
take sv
take andheri fly over call me!

Oh I am feeling the love today!!!

thank you for all the birthday calls, sms,

greetings, presents

much love....

Open up and say WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
so i finally went to the dentist!
sigh
boys n gurls
I have PAIN
but he (dentist) promises to make it all go away
if I pay him lots of money
like 9050 per tooth!
and I have a lot of bad teeth
are you married he asked during my check up
no I said
well get married quickly he said
why I asked?
so that you have someone to split my dentist bill with!!
LOL
at least he has a sense of humour
just had a thought
perhaps he's billing me for entertainment!!!
will keep you updated on my dental progress.....

Birthday perp has begun....
he and me did manual labour
yesterday hauling, fixing
the works :)
then hot and sweaty we sunk into
the coolness of air conditioning
tired puppies in a tangle on my bed
In view of all the power cut threats
I make sure I turn off everything
disconnecting even plugs from sockets
truly if I can, mumbai can
but there was a time when i'd look forward to power cuts
remember the days of power cuts, good old BSES
though it always hit me worse than the others
I'd wake up to darkness, and stuffy warmth
peer out from under my comforter,
and realize that the coolness has seeped out of my room
my mother would hunt for a flashlight
but my gran would be there already
at the bottm of the stairs with a candle
we'd go out side...where i could hear my cousins
my aunt had laid a huge mat just outside her house
with cushions, and i joined my two cousins
lying flat on our backs, pointing at the stars
newspapers, an old magazine served as make shift fans
then my aunt and uncle would call out
at that time they were newly weds, young, adventurous
he'd suggest a drive and us kids would pile into the back seat
windows down system up
singing all the way to bandstand or elco market
in our nighties, we'd stay in the car and eat ice cream or kulfi
swearing not to tell our mothers on our return
always politely decline seconds...
till its thrust upon you,
we'd giggle all the way home,
ad invariably the power would be back
I'd come home to coolness and my bed....

"In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst.
In the name of the values that keep you alive,
do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title.
Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads.
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.
Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach.
Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it's yours. "
-Ayn Rand
for my first batch that leaves on friday

Exams : Day one!
I dunno whyI am nervous :)
these exams have so much teacher prep involved!
I mean really the list of things I have to remember is frightening me....
In addition as counsellor I have to prepare a sesion on how to crack a test
any test tkaing/ exam giving tips you have in mind?
remember any ritual you followed closely?
a lucky chuddie?/ vest? you wore?
do tell/comment...

This morning our first batch said good bye
in an official thanksgiving prayer service...
I thought it was a great idea
till I heard that they were thanking us,
only after they were asked to (ordered more like it) to thank us
in addition their speeches were written out for them
sigh
I didn't want to be thanked
I've already been, by the ones who really cared
I sat through it, polite face in place
farcical
like I was watching theatre of the absurd
"excellent teachers aren't made, they're born like that"
said the head-boy
snickering could be heard
"two years have passed us by and now its the end"
thank God was called out
Thank you thank you thank you they said
I bowed my head
to hide my cynical smile

I've never seen him angry
he held up his hands and said
"please don't rub it in"
she wasn't looking at him (so she chripped on)...only I was
I took a step back...he was THAT angry
his face had hardened and his motuh bace a thin line
i've always read "his mouth became a thin line"
now I saw exactly what it meant
he looked at me his face softened
I'm not in a good mood he said
more sharply: what is it?
I wnated to turn back and walk off my face stung
he softened again
(am I so transparent?)
what is it?
I have something to tell you
(voice steady too chirpy tone, much like hers, shudder)
Hey that's great he said
beaming he stood up empatically slamming his appers down
that's just wonderful
I wnat to do it too
Me tooI said quick to pick up on the mood change
he walked I walked with him
outside he said
they just don't understand he shook his head
through the glass I saw her shoot me a curious look
I walked away...
into my office
away from all of that

I've come to trems with the loss
but memories of the curly-POD (pinky)
are just too pervasive
its been woven into the motions of my daily routine
the procedural memory lingers
I pack my bag beofre I leave for work
(yes yes, changing bags daily according to what i'm wearing)
into the bag go the daily staples,
swipe card, kleenex, usb drives, lipbalm, note pad, hand sanitizer,
cellphone, wallet, i-POD
wait a minute where's that i-POD
my hand crept further into the recesses of the bag of the day before
till a couple of nano seconds later realization dawned
Oh it was sntached along with the bag
sigh!

OH MY GOD I GOT ROBBED!!!!

AGAIN!!!!
So last night I had this great girly girl dinner with M
and at around ten-ish I exited the restaurant (bandra)
sat in my usual corner place in rick
shopping bag on seat,
my lovely woven black n white bag
also on seat leaning against me
with my elbow on it
at khar (near danai) A calls
so i remove phone from bag
we talk till traffic noise gets in way
at milan junction as I turn onto nanavati road
we ahng up, I dutifully put phone in bag
after nanavati I realise bike boys are stalking again
at the parele mc donalds/mithibai junction
I remove phone and call him
honey can you please stay on the phone with me till I get home
he: its happening again is it?
me: aha
suddenly biker boy leans into rickshaw
and snatches bag from under my arm!!!
they zoom off we zoom off after them
pursue them till the next signal
we loose them to traffic....

he stayed with me otp
giving me encouragement
and promising to replace everything
except antique woven bag
(I love him he was so suppotive through my snappiness)
I return home dejected
mouring the loss of
money
2 debit cards
2 discount cards
lip balm
kleenex!!
but most importantly
the curly-pod
my gorgeous pink iPOD
:s

I've been meaning to write about his views on "me"
In listening to him describe how he describes me to friends
I felt so far away from that image of myself
I had to stop and ask OH MY GOD is that how you see me?
we often forget how we're coming across to the "other"
like sound....have you ever been startled to hear
the sound of your own voice played out over a mic/ stereo/ phone echo?
its because the sound you hear in your head
is different from the sound that passes through air
(unless you have a vacuous head LOL)
but seriously
In projecting ourselves
its exactly the same!!!
we're not like we are in our heads
we're passing through the atmosphere
often turning out to be our own worst fears

"Its a good name to drop" he said..."chrisssann". he said
prolonging the sss like a hiss
snake like it curved out of his mouth
hung in the air as if poised to strike
I laughed off the moment
"only if you say it like that!!" I said
"Oh its a good name to gauge a reaction from the opposite sex"
he continues,
"I judge their level of attractedness to me
in direct proportion to the way they react to your name"
"what!!" (add incredulous tone)

my eyebrows shot so far back into my head

onlookers would have suspedted botox

for there they remained till the end of our conversation

with a mixture of amusement and disbelief

"i just wait for the oportune moment and then slide it in"
he said breezily with a sliding hand movement
i could see it in my head...
the eye contact and girl giggling at everything he said
he smiling back nodding looking interested in whatever she was saying
nodding reassuring, hanging on to her every word
then
WHAM!
"oh yeah you know my friend chrissssssaan did something like that/ or
chrissssaan says....."
sliding it in...
I can see the reactions too, faltering tone, slip in self confidence
the curiosity, "chrisann who?"
he backs it up with
"and then the questions, chrisann who, pretty name, who is she? some phirangi in goa?"
of course they're wondering what sort of "friend"
how close are we and how close we've been
he wants the picture
the "kamikaze picture" he calls it
why?
becasue it says I can look like this
and then WHAM! it kamikaze's you with
butttttttttt I can also look like this
give me the picture he said
rubbish I said
please
why?
its evidence
to back up the name drop
oh look here she is
smiling out
with perfect hair
and perfect lighting
a far cry from reality
but that's not how he sees me
(not real-ly)
in all that wandering wondering
I discovered I was a litmus test!!!
specifically I was his "jiggar"

Which chocolate candy best represents my personality?

• Chocolate covered espresso beans - do I have a little bite to my sweetness
• Milk chocolate bar - comforting and sweet
• Chocolate peanut butter cups - unique and addicting
• Chocolate covered cherries - 100% romance
• Dark belgian truffles - rich and overwhelming
• A chocolate kiss - simple yet divine

VOTE! Give your opinion, add a comment :)

if you're reading this...
(and you know who you are:)
I meant to...
but its been a busy busy day...:)
oh and you were right about the sore throat being "catching"
how's yours?

And just because yesterday's post was so depressing
check this out
(posted as-is...for your reading pleasure)
LOVE & Hate of Bangladesh

I love I Love My Lovely Wife Shimu
and hate Dhaka Trafic Jam
- Monsur, Arlington, VA, USA

I love TO MAKE NEW GIRL FRIEND AND E-MAIL FROM ANY YOUNG GIRL
and hate NOTHING
- SAIFUL ISLAM, DHAKA, , BANGLADESH

I love I like to play the music with high sound also catching fish
and hate if anyone make this site so dirty
- remaN, New York, Jackson Heights, U S A

I love All Freedom Fighters of Bangladesh
and hate All Rajakars of Bangladesh
- Shooter, Dhaka, , Bangladesh

I love MY TINA AND SHE LOVE ME.tina dil ha manta nahi .dilka kia kosor.dilto pagol ha.dil diwana ha .
and hate UNLOVER.UNMARRID.tina tomi amay kano gali daw .ami tomay balobasi sa jonno.tomi kamon may mon jobon amaka diy akhon shado shajo .tomi ato rag kano amar opr mon khola bolo ,ami jodi dosi hoy tahola r tomaka birkto kar bona .tomi phon na hay cite lakh .6512082.
- DIL TARA ASAQ, jeddah, jeddah K.S.A., K.S.A

I love True
and hate False.
- Abani Sarker, Bangalore, Karnataka, India

I love to say all users-plx don't make this site dirty. Plx plx talk sensibly.
and hate all morons who don't know how to love a chickie!!
- Dr Arif, , London, , Uk

I love I love bangladashi girl make me her boy friend
and hat

I bought his book and went up to him after the reading, I liked your work I said, he smiled

and said you should buy the book,
(still smiling) I already did I said, and held it up beside my face,
would you like me to sign it he said...yes of course I said,
he fumbled in his pocket and took out a lovely gold nibbed fountain pen,
he poised the tip on the paper and asked me to spell my name,
the pen wouldn't work and the force of his grip made invisible lines on the page,
he opend it out and was about to jerk it, when I said not on my skirt!

oh yes he said that wouldn't do, its a lovely skirt

and its white I added,
he finally squeezed it and two drops of ink fell to the floor,
aha he said here we go, nib poised on the paper, but no impression came,
he drew back and tried again and a line skidded across,
he looked up and met my stricken gaze,
recovered quickly and drew four more lines and
proceeded to draw flowers atop the lines

Flowers for chrisann he wrote beneath

from jeet bombay 2007

This was a mail I sent dale in Feb
I was just describing a meeting with
an interesting poet I'd met....
and his lovely wife
bubbly vivacious so full of life
and so proud of him
hurry on inside she had said to me
the performance is about to begin
Jeet will be reading now...
later...
I told her how much I had enjoyed the reading
especially the" how to" poems
I love them too, she said smiling
he should've read how to be a girl....
Oh I like the sound of that I said
she was so very proud of him
and then yesterday
I heard she died
she's 25
and she died
of food poisoning or something
I was told
jeet's collapsed too in shock
I wasn't absorbing
shakti dead?
jeet in shock?
words seemed alien to me
as did the news
we talked about it some more A & I
the way 20-something talk about death
with a it can't happen to me sort of nonchalance
not consciously
20-somethings aren't supposed to drop dead
That's just wrong
everything about her dying is just wrong

This week-end was a very significant one for me
for us, for "we"

(and I know he would agree)

its not what we did exactly...

I especially love sunday post dinner coffee
when he says goodnight
I revel in the tightness of the hug
hours later on a monday afternoon
I can still feel his arms around me

On the Holmes and Rahe life events scale of major life stress
death of a spouse is highest in terms of life stress
divorce comes a close second
the reason is loss of support....
most distressing is losig a partner...
They also cite "support" as being the best way to beat stress
for all my commitment phobic neural(mis)firings on the subject of marriage
I've always seen marriage as being one very supportive endeavour
best friend with benefits
the ultimate in support...

but there are two ways to look at support...
support as help support as crutch
The synonyms for crutch and support were the same...on answers dot com

He sees marriage as being "shackled"
"tethered" to one woman
the end of the (fun) line
so to speak
for him marriage is support in a bra/ corset like way
(support too,) but in a constricting,
restrictive of : free movement sort of way....


I always looked at marriage as the beginning of fun...
not the end of...
East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet(!!!!!???????)
(the world is circular!!!)
But there is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth,
When two strong men stand face to face, tho’ they come from the ends of the earth!