"All the things she said all the things she said running thru my head...."
And today I am reminded of this....
" Dearest,Being as expressive as we are, I think we're always a little in love with words...in a sense communication's our canvas and words our paint, whatever be the medium...conversation or mail (or blogs or little fancy note paper)...we colour our world with the things we say (or hear), so its easy to get caught up in the brush strokes of a wordsmith... art-iculate and colourful...I say "caught" coz there's always a catch...a trap, with verbal bait of sorts...it starts off innocently enough, just communication, yet suddenly amdist the quips and the banter and clever retorts, the swirling colours of language we exchange...suddenly we're making love with words...There will always be someone out there who SPEAKS to you...but always remember the someone right beside you, who speaks to you with more than just words...be careful my sweet and beware of the word art out there..."

When the urge to shop wanes......(And other tragedies...)
Zara- 12:00 pm: None of the dresses fit my shape, I curse the child bearing hips I have
and tell my tummy to lie flat, it pretends not to hear me and the ice cream of the pervious days keeps talking out loud.
Promod- 1:00 pm: 6 dresses later I agree publicly that egg is a ridiculous shape and "does nothing for me" The only dress I like a black and white, I can already hear my mother yelling that I have no other colours I whine to the sales guy he reserves it for me.
Mango- 2:00 pm: 3 dresses and I make the sales understand the full effect of cognitive dissonance. The girl outside says its hot and urges me to buy it. I suspect the sales person has put her up to it....he dangles a brown belt at me, its like crack to a recovering addict.
I stay strong and mumur I love mango despite everything....
I'm feeling physically ill as we walk to H& M for the marimekko showing....I mean if its good for Jackie O Its good enuff for moi I finally buy a dress....3:30 pm Mum's frantic she worries an errant taxi man has driven off with me....Allyson reassures her we're having dress trouble and a long explantion of big hip to chest ratios coupled with unsuitable trends of the season ensues...while I meekly follow her to M& S at mum's behest.
M & S-4:15 pm: I'm moved to tears.... the white cotton lace dress is too big
and the starting size is 8!!! (us 6) for a nano second I wish I were fatter or that my boobs were bigger. I try swim wear and immediately wish them small again....I hate to say I am not looking forward to the next shopping day!!!

End-in-sight

And before it’s all empty talk
Hollow smiles words waste away
Let me tell you I couldn’t help it
And I regret it to this day.

It’s never enough to say sorry
And always too little too late
Would you believe, I didn’t mean it
Would you believe Its not me to implicate

Can’t bear to talk about it
It hurts too much to think
Am I on auto pilot?
Ticking time-bomb on the brink

Just like me if you surrendered to needs
Surrendered to the voices in your head
What if it were just one call away
You decided to leave instead

Should I walk away in silence
watch while it all falls down
Forget all I ever believed in?
keep the losses I have found?

When will it all spill over?
if you won't call me on it, I just might
Can you feel the darkness closing in?
Is this my end insight?

Other people's lives

I caught myself looking at a facebook profile of a person I didn't really know, reading through likes and dislikes goolging things I found interesting, looking at pictures in their albumns of je ne sais quoi I was over come with a sudden sense of unease....i'm not doing anything wrong said self to self....I'm allowed....I mean they added me....they've invited me into their life....yet it sill felt like snooping....I mean what am I to do? ask people to put me on limited profile?