"Utopia this is my utopia this is my ideal my ultimate...."

Its like breathing in after running up the stairs
younnoh.....when you pause on the landing before you head off to where you were running to in the first place.....or in an under water cave when you float up to its rocky surface and gulp at an air pocket before you dive away into the darkness....
That's where I am right now pausing to take a breath....there's so much to be done and so much to be said and as layers get peeled back, and things get "taken care of" I worry about shades I see...differences have always been celebrated in my family, oh how lucky I feel to be born where I was, born into diversity, a happy melange of personality types, differences are good...or at least that's what I was raised to believe, when I was neck deep into my counselling course, we did a component on democratic decision making, a tool for families in trouble especially those with authoritarian patriarchs to allow for other members to voice opinions and improve quality of life, and reading the cases I couldn't relate....in my family wisdom was not equated with age nor respect, I was always included in decision making whether it was picking the meal for sunday, what color we'd paint our walls, or saying prayers as "head of the family" for Easter.
A label I'm wholly uncomfortable with because for me the essence of the family is one sans a heirachy there is no power struggle therefore no need for hierarchies.
So what does a family mean to me?
Ideally,Family is unconditional acceptance, especially your biological family you are born into it...but then what of families you marry into? I guess if you consider them family then you unconditionally accept who they are.
My utopia: Unity in spite of diversity. Because of my appreciation of differences I often find unity is sometimes enhanced by diversity.
family is that place where we can be at home. We can loosen our tie, kick off our shoes and relax. "Out there" is the struggle for position and power and money. "Out there" is the world of hypocrisy I want to take the mask off at home....notput on another one all over again...For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health, Bad marriages, failed businesses, careless destruction of property or life - all these are family matters we deal with them with the spirit of acceptance and mutuality because we know we're part of one entity and we need to be aware of how we impact one another.
Lastly family is empowerment. Its not about who has the power or who is head of the family its about empowering....It is not only a place to go home to, it's a place to come from, out into the world ready to face it....a safe space, a place of support....a place where I can be me....
And I hope and pray that I can continue to express the essence of family in my new family

Last night I lost my head And fell right back into your love I lay intoxicated While angels circled high above

A change cometh my pretties....

So we did it last night, told all our friends, it felt so surreal, I was supposed to be celebrating something else....but we tosted to wedding bells and bedding well....Its just begining to sink in....hasn't really gotten thru waiting for the parents to put things in perspective....how is life as a wife? who can define it? what will happen then to disquiet and discontent?

He told me right at the start no blogging about our marriage....ooops am I already tramsgressing that one? The blog turns six in august....perhaps Its time to put it to sleep?

in other news

life is short eat the dessert first...

call me chrisilla queen of the dessert, since i am dessert crazy , this afternoon during our lovely long late lunch while I was waiting for my entree (char grilled olive shrim with gra;ic herb butter on mushroom risotto) I went up to the dessert counter and got us a dark chocolate tiramisu and we ate it before the food came :P

"The hills are alive with the sound of music...."
I love south indians they're so polite I got a good dose of southern hospitality on my way to Kodai from coimbatore 5-6 hours of driving with our oh so gracious driver we stopped off at pallani for lunch served on banana leaves

in a hotel with dining areas designated according to socioeconomic status when we got there the ac room was full, being team-leader I was watching the watch and after a quick conference with the rest suggested we eat in the outer dining hall instead of waiting for the ac area to clear up, but was refused a table in the outter area, you eat in ac said the man, shaking his head and hands at me, its ok we said we don't mind but he wouldn't seat us...how do people know where to sit asked a friend once i narrated this incident in bombay, well I guess they just know, its the order of thigns, gone is the caste system from the modern mind but here is a new kind of system class not caste and everyone knows her/his place, the driver didn't sit in with us, nor did he sit in the outer room, he joined other driver in a little back room, the prices and seating also differ, it seemed rather cruel to me, but no one else seemed to be bothered by it, families came in and automaticaly knew their place....such is the order of some things......but the food was soooooooooo good, and I was soooooo happy.....we started off immediately heading towards the hills the route was gorgeous we took the rural route through villages, good wide roads treelined on either side, with tamrind, loaded with tamrind I couldn't resist and incited the rest who greedily agreed to stop and grab some....

next thign we know we're surrounded by these kids who loved the camera so we traded biscuits and pics for tamrind, unfortunately they were not ripe yet but grabbing them by the bunchfulls was fun enough....after the quick stop we started our ascent....navigating the hair pin bends with experienced skill, our driver kept checking back and looking at me, eyes on the road sureh i said, what's the matter, madam tell me stopping for vomits, we died laughing at that one...but as the curves got sharper, the scenery was not enough to distract some of my team mates, who prefered to cover their faes with scarfs shut their eyes and moan get us up there already....here's us just before entering the twon area.... this time the scenery was enough and everyone had cheered up...
soon after we arrived in kodai, but light was fading fast and knowing that the days ahead would restrict our movements and there'd be no time for sightseeing we made a spontaneous decision to go boating on the lake before we even reached our hotel to chekc in, so witht he driver waiting in the van with our bags we grabbed paper cups of masala chai and got onto a boat to see the lake....well we had a great time we were looked after well and cdidn't really want to leave....lovely lovely weather.....would love to go back and see more of the place....so there's where I've been and now you know why I haven't posted in forever...