At the start of the new year instead of resolutions,
I've made a list of things to do...
Ill revist this post in the course of the year
to strike out what I've worked through...

1. Mend a quarrel,
2. Seek out a forgotten friend,
3. Reply to that letter
4. Share some treasure,
5. Not raise my voice,
6. Keep a promise,
7. Find the time,
8. Forgive
9. Listen more,
10. Back down for the greater good,
11. Think first of someone else,
12. Be quiet and still,
13. Laugh a little,Laugh a little more,
14. Express my gratitude,
15. Pay the compliment first
16. Procrastinate less with important matters
17. fix finances
18. fix some teeth.
19. call my gran every week
20. make it to mass.

The Grinch of new year's eve....
I do believe I'm jinxed when it comes to new year's eve
I always seem to have indeterminate or half baked plans
of course there are always plans
but not the ones I'd like to make more like the one's I end up with...
I can hand pick three new year's eve nights
when I actually had a good time
but most years I'm wishing I was somewhere else...
and even if I was having a great time something was amiss
they were there he was not, I was sick had to stay home, he was there thye were not,
I dunno why I end up doign anythign anyway...
Why why do I succumb to the pressure of making plans to begin with?
ok so yes...I always want to party...but not really in the quintessential sense
my ideal new year's eve would be a quite picnic on my terrace
on a soft rug with cushions and a meal i'd cooked myself
candles champagne and him
but since that's not going to happen...
I'm ok with a party at home.... rather than a commercial thing
but then part of me wants to head out, like out of town like I did one year
but not to goa coz I hate goa at this time its over run with strange and dirty people
the thing is actually figuring what I want and then having it all fall into place
lets see....I think i'll keep it simple....
I want the cliche
I want the date
the wine
the music ( howie day's collide or a place beyond the sun-shine down)
the slow dance
the kiss at midnight
I want the magic to last me thru the new year
when times get hard and I'm about to loose it,
I want to take deep breaths shut my eyes
count down from ten
and imagine what it felt like to be in his arms and pressure f his lips on mine

I want a perfect new years eve for once
but year after year it evades me

hey you know how the universe conspires to give you what you want...

Trouble at Twelve

There's another party on above me...
on our terrace... and the cops have just left
heading to their party I guess...
the music is still blaring
Christmas time is always party time...
full of fmaily and friends
filled with good cheer, whisky wine and beer
I was introduced to this gorgeous boy
his mother insisted he talk to me
we smiled shyly at each other
as his mother went on about how lovely I was as a child
and how well I've grown
when she asked what I do I said I'm a counsellor
and I teach psychology to grade 11 and grade 12
she paused and said My son is in grade 12
we stopped smiling at eachother

MERRY

CHRISTMAS!!!!!

He Read To Me...
so I have the tooth ache from hell
I mean I shouldn't really be surprised now should I
Anyone who knows me half as well
knows my dentist phobia, wholly intolerant of pain
I allow as my procrastinating princess self would
all my teeth to wither away into cavernous holes
that only root canals can solve or salvage
so there we have it root canal number two, half way through
and of course I don't go back to complete it...
well, its come back to bite me. literally.
Presenting, the tooth ache from hell ....
Now only searing pain can prompt a trip to my dentist
pain for curing pain...ah the irony of it all
even more ironic is the fact that he cannot touch the tooth
nope can't do a thing, not until the infection subsides
so whoo hoo I'm stuck with...ah yes you guessed right PAIN
he will see me after Christmas, "can't have you spending Christmas with a cheek that looks like its concealing a cricket ball now can we" says dentist....
no no I don't care how my cheek looks get rid of this pain
(I can't believe I said I don't care how I look)
5 diff meds later I can chew
and the penne bolognese went down fine last night
but the pain came back with a vengeance so he stayed up way past mid night
and read to me
I could tell he was tired
I could tell from the slight strain in his voice
he could tell I was hurting
he could tell from the fact that I wasn't saying a thing
(quite unusual for me, still and quiet)
he read till he heard the (alleged) sound I make when I'm falling asleep
and we hung up

If I could escape And re-create a place as my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together and Tell me boy,
now wouldn't that be sweet?

Yesterday the relationship felt new again
Rememeber the early dates of early days?
time spent in debate and discussion, rapt atention
pouring out thoughts
I feel this way how do you feel
testing waters
and looking for differences within our similarities
I'm right brained, heavily visual and in love with words
he-left brained analytical, a wordsmith
He is wind and I am fire
he swept me up
and I ignited something within him
he doesn't play by the rules
I fear not outcomes
for what is life
sans air, sans light?
for those who think we need to part ways
I think we need new path ways

Ok so I was sick and in hospital and now I'm back

I would like to thank my Nu who stayed up with me
through the throwing up and shivering
and multiple bathroom trips,(causing his papa to ask are you pregnant chris?)
mixing electral,hand holding, whine tolerating,
forehead kissing and for telling me he loved me
even when he looked distressed about it
thanks to my aunt and gran
K who brought flowers, vrayons
and brightened up my days
my parents who called incessantly
all the relatives
friends and well wishers
who called and came
and called again
eM who kept the gossip going
A for the sarcasm
Ab for the funny texts
and Ian...sweet sweet ian
who really didn't have to but did...
and last but certainly not the least My doc
who I dream of...
oh and God of course...
well yes so I'm back...

THIS BLOG IS GOING TO BE
BY INVITATION ONLY

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post your email address as a comment

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chrisann_me@yahoo.co.in

Happy Reading...

if love is a seed

then our lives are its soil

and through our lives

it lives and unfolds....

I want..

no dams

more security

less escape

I want you to know ....

Even if you don't mean to upset me

I will be upset

but explain

because I will understand

I will be inconsistently consistent

and you can count on that

Illusion dies, expectation dies

"we" exist nevertheless

we can repair and renew

I want you....

to be not afraid,

to try harder

to feel exhausted afterwards

but satisfied

to say what you're feeling

like you did that night

to falter

like the hero that makes mistakes

but wins in the end

I am

perhaps projecting...