hey hey hey
(a welcome change from ho ho ho)
I know I've been a bad blogger
but I had planned to slip in a huge last post of 2004
when half way through it, opera ate it up :(
so instead of re-typing all of it I'll just say that
the last week has been one party after another
this party girl is all partied out
tonight is one last party of 2004,
which I must say has to be the best year I've had as an adult...
go go 2004
But I have a feeling about 2005
I feel a wild ride coming on

lets go over 2004 and see some of the stuff I've done:

I came second in my masters specialization at university
YAY
I actually got into B's course and have survived thus far
YAY
I'm (un) gainfully employed
YAY
I had two jobs and have already quit one
YAY
I'm still in training, but will be done in a couple of months
YAY
My old appartment in K has a new look
YAY
I've lost four killo's since july
YAY
I can look at my inbox and not feel bad if he hasn't written
YAY
I have two friends who actually got married
YAY
I got to wear a traditional east-indian sari
Yay
My parents were home for christmas :D
YAY
Kal, divi and myself went on our first trip to goa alone (sans parental supervision)
YAY
I met "him"
:D

most over eaten food of 2004
chicken

most over rated drink of 2004
cosmopollitan

My personal favourite drink of 2004
bacardi and coke, and the long island ice tea

cafe most often visited
barrista at yari road

cafe I wish I'd visited more often
coffee day at carter

club I wish I danced at more often
Polly Esther's

club I never thought I'd visit
Boat club

fave place to dine of 2004
Mashesh

place I'd like to visit more in 2005
Lemon grass, and any place i can gt "him" alone ;)

place I want to take him to
urban tadka and polly esther's

place I haven't been to at all in 2004
Legacy of China

Place I have to get him to take me too in 2005
MOKSH

Book I have to finish in 2005
Daz's e-book

Book I should return in 2005
kal's copy of lotr

Person I should mail more often in 2005
dipik's and bobby.

Place I should visit more often
My church's grave yard

People I should call more often
my gran.

People I should call less
LOL need I even type this one out??

I welcome myself back after scary Khandala trip...
:P
not so bad, not so bad at all...
(how dido, of me...)
in a very crazy, party, I wanna go out NOW kind of mood
can't wait for parents to get here, so excited about christmas,
and so many occasions, another friend gets married this week....
more parties post christmas, truly the season to be jolly
fa la la la la, la, la la la

have to do major gift packing...
and still haven't bought parents anything....
waaaaaaaaaaaaaa

will make resolution not to waaaaaaaaaaaa
anymore
wonder will it work??

So yesterday
He came to visit me at class!!!
:D
It was so unexpected,
what with our schedules being on overload
I'd expected to see him only next week
so this was just lovely
he called it our "Mid-week bonus"
and I awwwwwwwwed it inside :D
outside I was too busy being inhibited on the bench
and being vigilant for God Knows who!!!
hai hai
wasted precious moments being anxious over the anxiety disorders class
and didn't even get to be all creamy with my hot one
:S @ self

I'm getting creepy dirty calls from the following numbers please to be spaming them
or harassing them as much as they're harassing me...

05692236740
9820447114
:(

for elementary...and H

like a summer breeze
or winters freeze
we pass each other by
crisscrossing in the universe
and never knowing why
transient beings
you and I

Oh My God,
Today's video taped session rocked!!!
Was fantastic he was in his element as a therapist
I was WOW-ed (and I rarely am...)
(pls call me for details)


Then I got, to the station and something made me wanna walk home...
(I never walk home)
and there he was perched on a bike...with a friend (bespectacled nerd who's mother happens to be a colleague of mine, damn the universe and 6 deg of separation)
(I could just picture him discussing me with his friends later...)
he called out to me, or else I'd have missed him...
he, was the first boy to ever give me a valentine :D
and while talking to him,
he seemed to be still in complete awe of me, just like when we were in 9th grade....
and I remembered it, like it was yesterday
It had been our Self Governing Day and I had dressed up,
it was a day of firsts actually,
First time I wore a salwar khameez to school
first time I wore make up ?(lipstick and kajal)
First time i fell in love with kajal and never stopped wearing it...
and then...the quiet afternoon math class
and him thrusting an envelope into my hand clumsily
as he jumped on his cycle pedalling furiously away....
before I had a chance to look at what it was...
he gave my friends cards too, so as not to make his crush look too obvious
but as one of them astutely pointed out, only mine said "love H..."
(theirs said "with best wishes", lol)

We chatted for a while and he said, "How come you're wearing pink??"
I didn't have the time to explain that Ms 'just one of the boy's', was now gurlie gurl, with pink being my signature color...
"you're thin now" he blurted out...
and I didn't want to explain that being 7 killos lighter since 9th grade would make anyone look thin...
there seemed to so much he wanted to say, little details spilled out,
along with more clumsy lines, and an even clumsier dinner invitation
which I politely declined...
he asked for my number, I neglected to take his...

another transient, fleeting meeting...

So it was a weekend of girlie gurl fun, and meeting up with boys
we played some old tunes (like 2001-2002 LOL)
and turned off the lights and danced like crazee
Then hooked up with S, now its only coz of K and D
that I actually spent and cont to spend time with S
S is what some girls in my school would call a CAD, short for Cadbury
as in--- "Chocolate Boy" (commmon junta phrase for quintessentially cute boy)
or just S-W-E-E-T
but he consequently has "cute boy syndrome" or "CBS" (pls look up "dumb blonde")
perhaps I'm being a tad unfair...
but when someone's conversation with me is limited to "You'll are scaring me, ya", "You're mad, ya ", "You'll are mad, ya", (and other variants of the afore mentioned)
see its hard to be NJ...
Ok so we met heem,
and he said the afore mentioned lines, repeatedly
and not in that particular order...(thank God at least he mixed them up...)
Ya ok so he is perhaps the generic "cute boy"
and we discussed this at length
and later we got confirmation of all that had buzzed through our heads
when driving home, we stopped at the intersection,
as he politely let this girl drive by,
and the other girl in the back sea, turned 180 deg to get a better look at S!!!
who said women don't leech, oh yes they do,
this one had this look--> the OH MY GOD he's sooo Hot look
yeah well I told him and he didn't believe me...
see this is why I can stand S, unlike most boys suffering from CBS, he doesn't have a swollen head...
(just a hollowish one...)
:O biatch @ me
can't even blame it on the surfing coz I'm all wiped out..
So I'll say some thing nice about the other boy
We got to hang out with A, A was sweet and he was so excited about Mumbai
and with one who's heart will always be on mumbai time,
that scored a lot of points..
then telling me how cool my phone was and requesting for some of the stuff I had on the phone scored points too, as did the carrying of my shopping bags...hehehehehe
:D
so yay
Now off to make concrete plans to bring in the new year,

New Answering Service Installed at Mental Health Institutes....

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line.

If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic-stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."

"you're in a sense a projection of all that was good, in what he lost, or wasn't able to hold on to, and in that sense, you're doomed as he already believes he can't hold on to you..."

Then I am not me?? if I'm all of what he likes to see...is THAT what he sees in me?? or conversely,what if he sees enough negativity to end up hating me??
the worse part is none of this has anything to do with me,
and everything to do with HIS internal representation of me!!

We're always going to be distanced then, interacting not with the person in the "NOW" who we're actually with.... but with our ideas of each other,
and the problem with ideas is that, they're always OUR OWN perceptive fantasies....

Are My insecurities, my fear of rejection, of disapproval going to distort forever my experience of you of me of us right NOW?

and suddenly I'm five again and I'm falling into that tank and I'm scared, and I'm tired, and I wonder who's hand will grab me this time and pull me up...
and I'm hoping it will be...

the discussion was on men (lately I find it mostly is...)
and how Indian men aren't as domesticated as their western counter parts
I listened for a bit, having met quite a few multitasking all rounders
I didn't volunteer an opinion
and then i remembered brit guy outside the changing room at Zanzibar in Baga
He saw me waddling across the sand
with my flip flops in one hand,little calvin klien bag with swim wear int eh other and towel drapped round my shoulders
as I headed for the little tap
with disgust plastered over my face,
the slippers being matted with sand...eww
and he said need some help
I nodded a yes too embarassed to acknowledge with words
I expected him to turn on the tap...that being help enough...
but he took the slippers from me and proceeded to wash them under the tap
rubbing them vigrously even the undersides with his hand!!!
I stood stunned for a few seconds and then said "don't"
and he paused looking confused he said, apologetically,
"oh you don't want them wet??"
"Oh no thats ok" I said quickly "they're just ewww, you don't have to touch them"
he smiled and dimissed my feeble protests saying "ah well its only sand"
I wasjust very shocked, and when he finished I just muttered a thank you very much
and waddled away quickly (well as quickly as I could over baga's loose sand, whilst trying not to get any into, My new reebok sliders)
I heard a woman who came out of the changing room say to him, "trying to be a gentle man B"
Damn add on I said in my head as I willed myself not to turn and look
and then he called after me saying, "Hey now don't you go dropping them"
I looked back and flashed him a huge smile..
Later he re appeared at Zanzibar with the add on, he had showered and changed
but it was so awkward...then he looked at me,
but I stared back expressionlessly so he looked away quickly
what do you say to someone who's hand has been on the underside of your flip flops??
They appeared to be getting ready to leave, and as he walked by... he waved bye
my friends raised their eye brows, I hadn't told them about what had transpired
what do you say about someone who's hand has been on the underside of your flip flops??
all of the above I guess...
:D

Christmas Cards for the Psychologically Challenged:

Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality Disorder: We Three Kings Disoriented Are

Dementia: I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas

Narcissistic: Hark, the Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and
Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and
Fire Hydrants and...

Paranoid: Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me


Depression: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All Is Flat, All Is
Lonely

Passive-Aggressive Personality: On The First Day of Christmas My True
Love Gave To Me (and then took it all away)

Borderline Personality Disorder: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.

on a sun kissed beach
while everyone burned only skin deep
In cool sand
I burried my feet
thinking of
a different sort of heat

back home.....
what an eventful journey back
talkative muslim women
helpful (french) men
and custom officer impervious to my charm!!
need I say more...
ahhhhhhhhhh

why are people ignoring me online...
why? why?
"why not??"
:O

Been busy getting motier,
Mum threw a dinner party for like 15 of her colleagues, was quite nice, had ally come over after work for dineer just incase I needed rescuing
turned out I didn't need rescuing, had a good time...
Mum had validation all around for the appartment's new look,
and people loved my room YAY!!

Last night Greek food, at Zorba's with 3 men!!(
dad, ham and dad's american friend jim)
hai hai
Food was great, though the conversation tilted uneasily towards business and american politics
I managed to steer it away with a firm
"now now, no more shop talk" (need i explain why I shouldn't be discussing american politics with an american who works for the US army??)
which was enough for jim, who politely turned his attention to me :D

tonight another dinner party this time its dad's friends,
and no ally to bail me out tonight:(
sniff sob
But ally's right here with me, sipping juice
and looking disinterestedly at this page :P
caught me grabbing a bite at the food court
and helped me carry my shopping bags :)
heheheee

Ok so Had to make appearance at a football match,
Dad's company was playing DHL
and Upper managment has to show team spirit by at least showing up
so we did, and I must say,
standing in the dewey twilight on a rickety rain soaked stadium
with Mum and dad cheering loudly
and dad even yelliing "idiot, move forward!"
was quite a bit of fun, more fun after,
I spotted smooth operator (check summer posts for details)playing mid-field,
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
"Oh look there's jamal" said mom, voicing my thoughts
"didn't you sat he quit dad? " I asked (yes yes I had already asked about him)
Dad's team scored just before half time,
so at half time we went down to the field where I met the team
and had to shake sweaty hands, that was all i was thinking
and could think of after,
as I felt the wetness make contact with my palms
sniff n sob........
then smoothie comes up and says hey angel girl
and I didn't mind sweaty plams at all
he actually remembered i had given exams in the summer and asked about how I'd done and asked how was India post elections and everything
Smoothie is smoother than ever,
hai hai

Room is almost completed.
drove abdullah our handy man MENTAL
with three differing opinions on where that particular nail should go...
hehehehe
now all pretty and rustic and warm
was all comfy and ready for allyson to come over
and have our first sleepover,
which we celebrated by having HAM take us for
the most sinfull Swensen's sundae's EVER
Love everything
:D

After what has to be the smoothest take off and landing later...
I steepped into my newly done up appartment
and I LOVE IT
almost fell over looking at the home entertainment centre Dad ahs installed
really that damn thing is taller than I AM!!!!
its spoiling tv for me :(
But really the house looks lovely and the wooden flooring
just adds this unfinished raw touch to it
ahhhhhhhhhh
and my chair!!!
my odd chair, it rocks!! literally !!
its a rocking chair that looks like broom or something its so odd
its sooooooooo me :D
will take pictures
:D YAY
off to find a bed, feel like Goldilocks
cept I am blackie locks
and I'm looking for a futon type diwan esque bed
so off I go, tackled Ikea and Homes R Us yesterday
today Home Store A-z and The One
:D
bye all...
later........

PS: D, I missssssssssss you

He said: "You don't have to go away for me to miss you,
even when you're here I miss you, (an eyebrow shot up in my head)
Like the other night, at dinner,
when you were on the opposite side of the table"

me: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

"You can't keep letting people step on your toes, you have to move your feet at some point"
-chrisann

"Have you told him, about him" she asked
"ummm and r u planning to tell him?"

me: I am, when I see him in person, can't do it via mail, I mean when I go Its garunteed that all that was there won't be there still...so he'll know somethings up and I'll tell him

She: ...cool, makes a lot of sense

Me: i mean so much time has passed and we didn't have that strong a base for it to last right??

she: "true...i think its great that you are not telling him on email. shows a lot of sensitivity"

I: "and i know for a fact he's not seeing anyone, I dunno for lack of women or what, I don't think i'm holding him back but just incase I am...I'll tell him..."
She: Once again,makes a lot of sense...

me: sometimes I make sense...

she: i think you make sense a lot of times..

she: one more thing - i love the fact that you just said it that you thought transgenders were weird...you have some very simple values...and you just have them and that underlies things.I like the fact that you hold them and speak about them unapolgetically.

Me: thank you...

She:i think i have come to embrace my "freewheeling" side thanks to you....you are very unapologetic about who you are, i think i aspire to be that way. and at times i know that some amount of doubt is necessary but still i get from you, how much more important self acceptance is...

STALKER CHRONICLE
episode 2
time 11 pm

+919823123925: "hope I am nt distarbing u, sorry 4 afternoon, can we meet sumtime"

Me: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!! (to myself)
I refuse to waste another sms on him...besides even negative strokes are strokes, and no strokes are more effective than some negative strokes
:D
FR. Berkie, see I'm applying T.A
YAY

OH MY GOD STALKER CHRONICLE
THE STALKER RETURN'S

time 1:00 PM
+919823123925: "live the life you love and love the life you live", hope you're not working too hard Chrisann.

Me: Who's this? Can't recognise the number.(thinking its a certain someone whose number I've neglected to save)

+919823123925:" U may nt remembr me,(DAMN RIGHT I DON"T) cos its been long time, I knw u have been seeing guys (ERM YES!!!), but we culd start off by being friends (IN YOUR DREAMS BUDDY), why say, ati kya khandala? (WHY SAY?? I DON'T KNOW WHY, YOU SAID IT DUMB ASS!!!)

me: (convinced Stlker has returned, but just checking) Look ok I'm really busy so not time for games, please tell me who you are

+919823123925: Sory 2 distarb u (YOU SHOULD BE), but i only wnted 2 tell u my fellings (YOU HAVE FELLINGS??), remembr tht day when u give me smile (NO!), thot u were interested in me (WTF)"

me:"please go away"

me: ROTFL (really almost fell off my chair...)

* all of the above has been typed in its original form, the bracketed text in caps is what was going thru my head when I read the sms*

HIS NUMBER IS INCLUDED SO YOU GUYS ARE FREE TO SPAM HIM WITH SMS OR BLANK CALLS :D

This piece is written By AMOL PRADAM

Leave Kuwait, and miss the Houmos and Mutabel and all the Vaasta you
built up, are you kidding? Most people I know here came to Kuwait, the
Promised Land, for maximum two years, or "to make enough money'" and go
back home. Countless Felafel and Shawerma sandwich years later, they are
all still here, grayed quite a bit, but very much here. Kuwait is like
that.

One starts off earnestly in a job, wants to work hard (and hopefully
continues to do so). You share an apartment with some kind folks
(who pass on Sambhar and Chutney to you on bad days, on the good they
pass on some fried Zubaidi). You begin to get comfortable with the
non-iron bedsheets and Jamaiyas laden with easy to serve yogurt and long
life milk.

By then your status has risen back home because you work in this
oil-rich, highest per capita income Wonderland. Ma beckons from home
that they have found a "nice, homely" girl for you. So you rent your own
one bedroom apartment, put out few cheap "Banta" chairs, and blend in
some Ikea "As Is" furniture just for it to not look so cheap. Few Friday
market visits later, your house and heart are ready to receive the new
bride. If winter is here can spring be far behind ? Stacks of Pampers
(whatever would young mothers do without them?) appear in the by now
crowded home. The patter of tiny feet, Cartoon Network, pushchairs and
colic occupy your waking and sleeping hours. The MBA you well intended
is long forgotten with the stress of how to ask the boss for a raise,
now that your child will start playschool, and you can't cope with the
instalments for your new place back home. The raise never comes, or if
it does it is too meager to write home about.


The luckier ones find fresh opportunities and move up the economic
ladder, but never out of Kuwait. You upgrade your car and home, and
generally grow to be a part of Kuwait, or rather Kuwait like a sandy
desert spirit becomes ingrained into you, and fourth and fifth ring
roads become your best weekend hangouts.

Just because it seems the in thing to do, you apply for migration to a
western country, knowing full well in your heart that you may never be
able to start a new life in another strange land. The taxation
everywhere else hurts. So do the residence fees here, but can you leave
Kuwait? The general view was that once the health insurance was levied,
there would be an influx of expats fleeing Kuwait. No one I know has
left for those reasons.

Leave Kuwait, and miss the Houmos and Mutabel and all the Vaasta you
built up, are you kidding? Life goes on, with bodies and souls flirting
in and out of The Sultan Center, Souk Sharq, Caesar's Restaurants, all
the new new malls that have sprung up like mushrooms, and hey don't
forget Edee Stores.

Soon one Thursday blends into another (another weekend, so quickly?) and
next thing you know you are boarding a flight to drop your son or
daughter to University. Time has flown, and you and your friends of
yesteryears still meet occasionally, and discuss who has grayed more,
and who's cholesterol is threatening. The whole point of who "made
enough money" but never returned home is never brought up. Endless
weekend dinners, get togethers, beach picnics, potlucks and problems,
growing up pains, career ups and downs, friends who are like family,
birthdays and anniversaries, visit visas and residences later, Kuwait is
home.....

Contributed By Ham

Just as you find God in the desert, you find yourself when deserted
-me

Its funny how the mind makes up a 100 reasons
to rationalize 1 thing the body wants....

It has taken a long time for me to accept the shadow in “me”
There’s a lot that is dark within,
That’s been obscured by exuberance
At first deliberately, now effortlessly
Till I’m no longer seeing “me”, or reality
The void within is self created,
It’s the part of me I’ve disowned
And If I’ve disowned part of me
I’ve disowned “me”…
Its only fear that keeps me from seeing “me”
That keeps me from being “me”
And its only acceptance of “me”
That will bring true clarity to my reality

The other day, I was with him,
and he was smiling down at me
and I asked him, whats that look,
and he said "nothing,just happy..."
and I realised...
I'm so preoccupied with how you see me
I'm missing out on reality
I'm missing out on being happy

She said :wow..i loved it...have u written it??

I said : Yes yes

She said: u know what Chrisann, u have a side...that u keep away from people
the depth..that u have, it doesnt come across...

I said: my site has that side all over it...

She said: an important part of u which i feel is being mised out...

I said: very few people get to see that side, I'm not as social as I come accross,
and the ones who do get to see this side, are the ones who take time out to look beyond the flake...

She said: Now I really want to get to know that side of you better,
the real you...

I said: awwwwwwwwwwwwww

I wonder what I like more....
You,
My idea of you,
or your idea of the "you", you'd like me to like

Dear IT Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and
jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition,Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable  programs, such as
Romance 9.5, and Personal Attention 6.5,
but installed undesirable programs such as
Formula One 5.0, NBA 3.0 and Would Cup 2.0. And now Conversation 8.0
no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've
triedrunning Nagging 5.3 to fix these  problems, but to no avail. What can
I
do?
Signed,
Desperate.

He said : "Divi called...and called her self divya"
I said : " younnoh, thats her name..."
He said : "yea but im so used to callin her divi; so i didnt connect between the 2"

Some how they always forget, Divya and Kalika, are my best friends names...
not kal, di, divee or kaleex, or any other endearing name I happen to be calling them when you, you or him or he came along...

:P

You're real, you are you
Not the representation,
I have of "you" in my head
Then why do I treat you as if, you were...

We're not two halves of a whole
We’re whole in ourselves.

Happy Birthday FLYING RANEE
(not the train, the man)
Its been a while since you've been in touch
miss all your flattering comments...you little red riding Ho
*hehehehe*
Hows ponni, gautam and alesjandro? (did I spell it right?? probably not :P)
call me :D

You never knew me...

You saw the Package
You thought the wrapping was lovely
And you adored the frilly ribbon bow
You were fascinated with the package
So you never bothered to look inside
And when some of the contents spilled out
You were surprised
You never knew me

Same sex friendships can be so empowering, the collective strength one can get out of them is almost addictive, but they seem to have a trap or so I've been hearing in class today
the comfort level you reach in aclose same sex relationship,
with all the trimmings of love affection and solace...it can get so fullfilling, it can hinder the possibility of healthy heterosexual relationships...especially if the friend/s get too clingy or upset about sharing time, or activities with the percieved "intruder" i.e the heterosexual counterpart...(bf/gf)
When same sex friends start to act like jealous bf's/gf's then you know, your same sex relationship is holding you back and limiting your life...
Relating to anyone is a challenging, so evaluate your relationships, on the basis of, how satisfying they are to you?
How they help you grow as a person and whether they're adding to your life
As I learnt earlier last year, life's hard enough, with out peopel you're trying to care about minusing from it....
if anyone's not adding to your life, then they're minusing form it
and so its time to minus them from your life
thts enuff from moi
can't believe the sage mood I'm in
*sigh*
night night toute le monde....

The post bellow is my 500th post :D
How like the universe to pick itself for the big five 0,0
:D
Big congrats to self
pat on the back yada yada yada
YAY!

Ever Since I read the Mayor of Caster Bridge, bazillion years ago,
I always believed that in addition to being out to thwart us, the universe also conspires to give us what we want
If we want it bad enough...
All linked to what I wholly believe... That I need to be careful about my karma,
what goes around comes around, by the power of three times three...
and of course my unquenchable preoccupation with Serendipity :D
What Carl Jung called "synchronicity" and James "Celestine Prophesy", Redfield called "meaningful coincidence",Deepak Chopra (Dee C)has coined "Synchro-destiny".

The key to Synchro-destiny, says Dee C, is asking questions out loud
without trying to find answers.
This, he says, allows the Universe to provide you with what he calls "Synchro-destiny".

It's the way the 'Universe' (or God, the source of all...etc...)
helpfully points us all in the right direction, with ,gentle hints and nudges.
Synchro-destiny is when things "fall into place"; when events seem "fated";
when you feel as though the Universe is "trying to tell you something"
and you "go with the flow".

Most people just brush away the thought of life as pre destined,
saying 'oh, that's just coincidence' but I don't think so...at least not anymore...there've been just too many coincidences lately...I now think every coincidence is meaningful...
When it first started happening, I couldn't explain it,
at least not rational me...so I passed it off as "just a coincidence"
but they reoccurred like something you just can't explain,
something so improbable Dee C is calling it the "conspiracy of improbabilities"

And it doesn't stop there...every dream is a message from the universe,
especially recurrent dreams...they're actually preparing you for your future...

what I saw last night, it frightened me...and in the day light I wondered
was it a projection of what he said?? or was it a message meant for me?

In his first wriiten note to me , He said,
"You analyze everything down to its barest skin.
Even a speck of dirt that dared to Float on to your strawberry sorbet
Chris you forget we’re not all in therapy. Is that how you see me?
I’m not always in need of your help!
It may be a noble thought to save us all but are we all in need of being saved…and do we want to?
Girl I’m not threatened By you just afraid…
You analyse everything I do or say……
I’m beginning to resent your perceptive ways…..
You see right through my soul
And I’m afraid you may one day see me as unworthy of you
Then what will I do?
I used to think it was cool you could read my mind, now I feel like a fool
Each time you see thru me
You seem to know me to my core………
It scares me when you’re so very sure, that you know it all...
But tell me can 2 people really know the other for Sure?
Stop analyzing me girl, Stop toying with my brain
You’re not helping Chris you’re driving me insane……..
A lot of people find me too analytical............"Stop Playing the Psychologist Chrisann.........You'll have plenty Of time to do it...Like For the rest of your life!!!"
------------THIS POST HAS BEEN RE-PUBLISHED from 24th August 2002(in the light of me being at the receiving end....of another perceptive one..:).....................

No one can garauntee happy endings...I'm happy now...I'm not investing in outcomes
I'm investing in the moments...right here right now....

If I'm always afraid of what might hurt me...
how will I ever know what could be....??
we can't control how others will treat us,
and we can't live in constant fear of being hurt...

But the closet pessimist poked her head out
so many words had passed over her head,
and she said: "If it's too good to be true, then it probably is..."
and I sighed for I only want to be...
and I wish you were here...

The Butterfly

There is no story behind it.
It is split like a second.
It hinges around itself.
It has no future.
It is pinned down to no past.
It's a pun on the present.
Its a little yellow butterfly.
It has taken these wretched hills
under its wings.
Just a pinch of yellow,
it opens before it closes
and it closes before it opens
where is it?
-- Arun Kolatkar.


The Old Woman

An old woman grabs
hold of your sleeve
and tags along.
She wants a fifty paise coin.
She says she will take you
to the horseshoe shrine.
You've seen it already.
She hobbles along anyway
and tightens her grip on your shirt.
She won't let you go.
You know how old women are.
They stick to you like a burr.
You turn around and face her
with an air of finality.
You want to end the farce.
When you hear her say, '
What else can an old woman do
on hills as wretched as these?'
You look right at the sky.
Clear through the bullet holes
she has for her eyes.
And as you look on,
the cracks that begin around her eyes
spread beyond her skin.
And the hills crack.
And the temples crack.
And the sky falls
With a plate-glass clatter
Around the shatterproof crone
who stands alone
And you are reduced
to so much small change
in her hand

From An Old woman by Arun Kolatkar....who died last night.....

"RELATIONSHIPS ARE JUST PATTRENS IN YOUR HEAD" (Fr. Berkie)
In our brains there is always a representation of what we take in, as in our experience, an event, a thing or a person, makes a psychic representaion in our minds
A trace of object permanance, that we internalize, almost automatically... This is why when there's a break...from something, a change,
ohhh let me just come right out and say it...when we break up, we're going to feel the loss, whether we'd like to admit it or not, the reality i.e. that the oject that's been represented is no longer there... will eventually hit home....
Only time can erase the trace of a missing object from the mind....
that's why the popular cliche...time is the healer...
So go ahead take your time.......

"Sunshine you're bad
I'm mad but I can't remember why.......
Are you sorry that you wasted our time??
Never You Mind...."

apt words, at the apt time
even if I'm borrowing someone else's rhyme
dedicated to you time after time...

I'm happy in my life right now, things just seem to be falling into place....
A new job, which compliments my old one so well....
Being asked to judge that elocution contest at school...
My grades staying up,
My parents proud
My friends full of love....
validation all round
and through all of this
my thoughts didn't turn automatically to you....

But as a certain someone says, every silver lining has a cloud....
just the thing, the closet pessimist was looking for....

Why is my happiness and contentment contingent on them....on him....on you...
Why do I sulk when things are said, or unsaid?
What separates me from feeling fine...when I am separate from you
You exist independent of my thinking and I exist independent of yours...
Why can’t we be together?
And yet see,
We’re not one entity,
And if i know all this
Why is everyone so worried about me??

For you who came last

A stolen look across few tables
I was game and you were able

But with no ball set rolling
The Inertia of your not calling

Scanty memories of a single tryst
I’m struggling with losing interest

So you’re busy, you have no time
But Do I even cross your mind?

Perhaps just a projecting, me
Another psych casualty?

You set this whole deal in motion
Disappointed with your lack of devotion

A crumpled card at my dustbins base
From my list of contacts you’ve been erased

You ask no patience? No second chance?
I ask not to be taken for the granted dance

In Memory of Sigmund Freud

When there are so many we shall have to mourn,

when grief has been made so public, and exposed

to the critique of a whole epoch

the frailty of our conscience and anguish,



of whom shall we speak? For every day they die

among us, those who were doing us some good,

who knew it was never enough but

hoped to improve a little by living.



Such was this doctor: still at eighty he wished

to think of our life from whose unruliness

so many plausible young futures

with threats or flattery ask obedience,



but his wish was denied him: he closed his eyes

upon that last picture, common to us all,

of problems like relatives gathered

puzzled and jealous about our dying.



For about him till the very end were still

those he had studied, the fauna of the night,

and shades that still waited to enter

the bright circle of his recognition



turned elsewhere with their disappointment as he

was taken away from his life interest

to go back to the earth in London,

an important Jew who died in exile.



Only Hate was happy, hoping to augment

his practice now, and his dingy clientele

who think they can be cured by killing

and covering the garden with ashes.



They are still alive, but in a world he changed

simply by looking back with no false regrets;

all he did was to remember

like the old and be honest like children.



He wasn't clever at all: he merely told

the unhappy Present to recite the Past

like a poetry lesson till sooner

or later it faltered at the line where



long ago the accusations had begun,

and suddenly knew by whom it had been judged,

how rich life had been and how silly,

and was life-forgiven and more humble,



able to approach the Future as a friend

without a wardrobe of excuses, without

a set mask of rectitude or an

embarrassing over-familiar gesture.



No wonder the ancient cultures of conceit

in his technique of unsettlement foresaw

the fall of princes, the collapse of

their lucrative patterns of frustration:



if he succeeded, why, the Generalised Life

would become impossible, the monolith

of State be broken and prevented

the co-operation of avengers.



Of course they called on God, but he went his way

down among the lost people like Dante, down

to the stinking fosse where the injured

lead the ugly life of the rejected,



and showed us what evil is, not, as we thought,

deeds that must be punished, but our lack of faith,

our dishonest mood of denial,

the concupiscence of the oppressor.



If some traces of the autocratic pose,

the paternal strictness he distrusted, still

clung to his utterance and features,

it was a protective coloration



for one who'd lived among enemies so long:

if often he was wrong and, at times, absurd,

to us he is no more a person

now but a whole climate of opinion



under whom we conduct our different lives:

Like weather he can only hinder or help,

the proud can still be proud but find it

a little harder, the tyrant tries to



make do with him but doesn't care for him much:

he quietly surrounds all our habits of growth

and extends, till the tired in even

the remotest miserable duchy



have felt the change in their bones and are cheered

till the child, unlucky in his little State,

some hearth where freedom is excluded,

a hive whose honey is fear and worry,



feels calmer now and somehow assured of escape,

while, as they lie in the grass of our neglect,

so many long-forgotten objects

revealed by his undiscouraged shining



are returned to us and made precious again;

games we had thought we must drop as we grew up,

little noises we dared not laugh at,

faces we made when no one was looking.



But he wishes us more than this. To be free

is often to be lonely. He would unite

the unequal moieties fractured

by our own well-meaning sense of justice,



would restore to the larger the wit and will

the smaller possesses but can only use

for arid disputes, would give back to

the son the mother's richness of feeling:



but he would have us remember most of all

to be enthusiastic over the night,

not only for the sense of wonder

it alone has to offer, but also



because it needs our love. With large sad eyes

its delectable creatures look up and beg

us dumbly to ask them to follow:

they are exiles who long for the future



that lives in our power, they too would rejoice

if allowed to serve enlightenment like him,

even to bear our cry of 'Judas',

as he did and all must bear who serve it.



One rational voice is dumb. Over his grave

the household of Impulse mourns one dearly loved:

sad is Eros, builder of cities,

and weeping anarchic Aphrodite.

I know we're both in the developmental stage of intimacy v/s isolation so matters of the heart are taking priority, but how much of our lives can it dominate?

I see myself repeatedly bogged down by attempts at relating, and I flinch at the slightest rebuff, where is my self worth??
Is this a woman thing?? or do guys actually feel the same way??


"I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated


Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me."


Alanis Morisette--> So Unsexy.

When They told me this course was tough, I smiled and thought, I love tough stuff, each time I work through it, its just another way of telling me, how good I am :-D hehehehe
But I was thinking in terms of academics, its like i'm here to learn right So BRING It ON I said...
But they weren't talking about the academic course work, they were subtly referring to the course itself and how it will change you, and make you think and dig deep and reveal your shadow to you....whether you're ready or not...
Its like Gitika was saying, "Chris,this year, this course will make you face your demons, they'll literally sit across from you, in the shape of clients, counselors and even guys you date"
and I sighed coz every word was true
I've been struggling with a couple of demons wrestling them back and forth in my head, as I pondered the impact of a self image that's been mine since forever, and for the first time questioned its place in my life... It it really mine, and what is it doing to you and the me that everyone else seems to see...
I was miserable for a bit...
And then Papa said:
"happiness is what you make for yourself it's all in your own mind; so don't struggle
just make it happen..."
I guess I'll roll with the resistance and see where this will take me...

The blog is Now TWO YEARS OLD
:D I'm happy Its lasted this long...but do feel like lately I've sold out to the "I got no time" excuse.....
miss blogging, miss following mindless threads on the msg board (it still exists BY THE WAY)
But hey TWO YEARS old and not off blogger so here's to more blogging years...filled with good old theraputic venting
:D

rain rain rain
I hate the monsoons, but I hate sweating even more...
so YAY for coolness...new versace slippers and walnut cream cake

Fantasy
I unfurl in your arms like a starfish on the beach
Raising my arms to get within your reach
You lay me down and we begin
Your very touch fills the void within

I tremble with the waves of pleasure
You give me love I cannot measure
I shut my eyes. This is sheer bliss
Soaking in your every kiss.

My eyes open. It’s only me
I’m all alone with my fantasy
You’re long gone or so it seems
You now exist only in dreams.

cruel coincidence
a stroke of providence??
a twist of cosmic fate
I hope you two know I'm sorry
even if sorry comes too late...

I know that when you told me, you had no malicious intent
yet the impact it's had on me, I don't think you comprehend,
in one click it was all over, it all came to an end
in one short sentence I had lost, my soul mate, my best friend...

Ok So I had this random obnoxious boy at a party grab my arm and say "you look bored, take a walk with me "

so I did just to humour him, besides i was bored

then he says "guess wht i do for a living"
and I said "work in a call centre?" :D hehehhehehehee

and he says "I'm directing my 1st film"

so i was like, " oh you're in film school"

and he's like "no no"

"is it a documentary of some sort?" I ask hopefully

but he says "no no its an ACTION film"

i almost gagged "oh " I said "comercial hindi cinema"

argh @#$%^&*

"I assisted on murder" he says proudly

sheesh not murder like thts something to be proud of!@#$%^&*

Follows that horrific revelation with, "my new film's called zeher... the poison"

had to pinch self, but was laughing already...
had to put this up here so u can laugh too...

Fun With Freud Begins this week....get ready for a lot of chaos.....:D

Freud said, "Happiness is the deferred fulfillment of a prehistoric wish. That is why wealth brings so little happiness: money is not an infantile wish." And he did have a sense of humour. When asked by a student about the significance of the large cigars he like to smoke, Freud replied: "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.")

Sorry sorry sorry
I know I've not been the good blogger...You see the last couple of weeks I've been all blogged out...Its not like there's any less to say up here, believe me I've got plenty....its just that work and class are really interesting and really time consuming.
Gitika for one is as regular as they come, daily posts almost....lets see how she does when her blog turns 2 :D *evil laugh ha ha ha ha*
BTW blog turns 2 on 16th july...august???
people who can remember can please collect your free gift from post box 90210 in Never land between 26:00-27:00 on the 31st of september
HA!

Apologies to Shre B who I wished a day after her birthday
happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Shre B, happy birthday to you...:D

ok so I think I have a virus...well not me, but te pc sure has come down with something
a version of what used to be ms blast I think....
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
one more reason to waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this week
but hey up coming highlights include movie night with shreb and kal to see, HARRY POTTER
or hairy porter as my gujju friends like to call him......can't believe I'm actually going to see it....but hey I'll keep an open mind...:)

Well hello hello
and I welcome myself back to the city....
I've been in gorgeous goa and OMG its beautiful right now...
but first things first since I've got a new cellphone some numbers
didn't get copied from the old phone....So when I got a mysterious sms,
I presumed it was from someone i knew.... However it turned out to be from a STALKER now I don't know if it was from stalker 2 or original stalker revisitng to catch up...
the following is uneditted text from sms....

STALKER CHRONICLES
stalker: 2 missed calls
stalker: Hi how are you

Me:hi who is this i missed your calls, and as I've changed phones I can't recognize your number....followed by a call to the number which stalker rejects...

stalker: who is this?? :) dnt wanna talk wanna c u gotta tlk alot:-)

Me:(still unaware its stalker) sorry I'm in goa so please tell me who you are so we can plan to meet up when i get back

stalker: Goa!wow!lotof beaches n rain is dere also so must b havin tm of life.verygood.n me nopthin a simple and a dwn to earth person wanna meet u n tlk longer.dnt hv to b scared cz u sure enjy my company.whn u comin bak to bbay

Me:(Now convinced its a stalker,part2 or perhaps original stalker,or perhaps a new one!!)
Me:If this is neil or kapil (stalker part2 and original stalker repectively)please don't call me or sms coz you won't be enjoying my company.

stalker: Who both they r? wt u talkin abt.were they bad guys.

me: (silence....)

stalker:wat no reply m sure u gt scard cz u glas r so coward btw ur so deceitful. (besides bad grammar and disregard of puntuation he obviously doesn't know what decietful means)
stalker: 4 missed calls

Me: this constitutes harassment under the Indian penal code please stop bothering me I have no interest in communicating with you

stalker: got to hell bitch

Me: I'm already in Hell, I'm the Bitch Queen of Hell

Stalker: (all in caps) R U CRAZY!!! M NT IN MOOD OF ANY FITE U MADE ME ALREADY UPSET!N IF U ENJY STAY IN HELL THN GO TO HEAVEN :-)

ME: SILENCE...BUSY ENJOYING A SPICY GOAN MEAL...

stalker: wt no reply aftr listening to my wrds of wisdom. FEELING GUILTY.

Me: more silence.....

stalker: 2 missed calls....
stalker: watcha u wanna do ur ths or tat or just only big mouth.stp doin ur voodo n be good gal cz jesus is there n he sees everything samjhi!!

Me: (what the @#$%$)
stalker 2 missed calls

stalker: hi it seems to me u dnt want to talk to me so this is my last sms just to say that u have been a good friend and if u r ever in need of friend i will always b there

Me: Friend?? I don't even know you, and don't wnat to know you, please stop smsing me

stalker:FUCK OFF
stalker: 7 missed calls
nani upset at constant phone rings nap ruined...me on war path

Me: look here I'm not kidding, this constant sms sending and missed call giving is harrasment, if if you don't stop this I'll have to call the cops, and then face the consequences.


stalker: IM sorry!dnw want nothn frm u.bye.

Me: sigh of relief

Back in town....so much has happened already
first off the heat is getting to me....besides my body has decided to stay on kuwait time and the insomnia is worse than ever...
to top it all a graphologist thinks I'm slipping into a dark place within myself consumed by feelings of non-caring and "its not worth it" thoughts, discontent blah blah
(and I still paid him :S:S)
hai hai
and I thought I was fine!!!
but thenw hat do you do when the man of your dreams finds the woman of his dreams and she doesn't happen to be you.........

Ever since the Stalker Chronicles began, i've got so much feedback from all of you
that i felt I must post a tribute to the ultimate stalker....not the one who caused the most trouble, but the one who irritated me the most...
here's an email he sent... its pasted exactly as i recieved, I'm afraid the frequent lapses into the ungrammatical will have to be borne for full effect.... read on....

dear chrisann hi!how ru? bye the way u have bin asked the same question lot of times on ur cell but i never get reply ok no problem but as a friend could u not tell me this.leave this all by next time u wont do this hopefully.well, im fine studying little harder recently i gave a entrance test regarding a animation course (from c-dac) which ive got thru and stage ii test is tomorrow lets see but u know i really wanna do this bcz since my child hood i bin into making drawings& cartoons so its really fit me chrisann u know im a good artist i can make ur potrait as same if u sit for 15 min. in front of me but problem is" sms ka reply to karti nahin ho potrait kya khak ban ban banbaogi" does hindi fits u ?well!where he is who really fits u ,ur b.f.?hopefully llbe alright thinking of u.i stop writing letme know next time what is that difference u started ignoring me. bye cu.take care.

Hi...this is 25 male from punjab....i'm interested in making female
friends...for time sharing, chatting,
phone friendship...It's however u like basically.

If you wanna see my pic....just check
http://profiles.yahoo.com/rohan_aggarwal80

you can call me at 0161-5177235 or e-mail me at rohan_aggarwal80@yahoo.com

Wish to hear from you soon.

See ya then...

Luv

Rohan


see what mail i get these days
hai hai
please feel free to spam this mail box in your spare time

Ok so now things are like totally getting worse instead of better...
exam results are out!!!
OUT I TELL YOU
:(
just when I thought i'd be in the clear especially in the eyes of UNITS
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
(yes thts a mature response)
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

on another note i have a fan
welcome to the chaos aquarian82:D
born in feb 1982 kya??

So I return to posting like the prodigal one....
and I must say a lost has gone on, so much to keep me away from one of my favorite things
this blog.....
in the day light clearly see the previous nights stupidity...
ahhhhhhhhh
it doesn't help that I have long dark hair
it doesn't help that I've become browner than ever
it doesn't help that dutch truffle is my favorite type of cake

the fat doesn't seem to deter
nor does the inability to stay on a kayak
nor the constant surveillance.....

mine is not to reason why, mine is just to say goodbye.....

Ok so After the Rome Fiasco, the over compensation began
Fancy Thai food festivals at safir international with a view of the coastline all lit up at night, from the 19th floor, shopping sprees to Vera Moda, Marks and Spencer, Claire?s and The Virgin Mega Record store .....Then came the Khiran weekend get away.
The Khiran Resort is towards the end of the Kuwaiti coast, near the Saudi border.
Its HUGE like Bigger than Essel World, it has an amusement park, a football field, 4 tennis courts, 2 basketball courts, 2 tents with hookah, or hubbly bubbly as they're now calling it :D, a supermarket, a games center complete with a 10 lane bowling arena, and all the rest of those video games, air hockey, etc etc.....2 huge swimming pools, one with salt water the other with fresh water, both equipped with their own snack bar, But my favorites were the two beaches, 2 gorgeous stretches of green lawn, white sand and blue water...They also have a Marina and a Yatch club, we rented a boat and took a leisurely ride round the resorts 2 beaches everyone was on the shore lawns barbecuing or just sunning themselves, most other were on jet skis, in kayaks or in boats like us, music blaring, waving as we went by....After the ride, we had a sumptuous lunch at the yatch club in its soothing air conditioned coolness. The view of the ocean and the marina from the club is quite breath taking, the club opens onto a terrace with palms and flower patches dressing it up, and in the center is a fountain with water drawn in from the sea, the back drop of all this is of course the sea itself stretching out into miles and miles of bright blue water sparkling in the afternoon sun......The resort is so huge that they have an internal bus service, and a train that chugs along on wheels, they even have bicycle rentals so you can get from one facility to the other with out collapsing, but my favorite was this four wheel cycle type contraption, complete with steering wheel, much like a car even had brakes and it take two to pedal, we rented it for a bit and rode around the whole resort me grinning all thru even when it got grueling pedaling for almost an hour at one go!
with parents seated comfortably on the lawns I was free to go swimming in the sea, the water was so clear I could see little baby fish whom I scared away quickly with my enthusiasm, I even swam in the salt water pool, till i shriveled up like a prune and mum begged me to get out of the water......
OMG will display pics once I download them
please excuse pics of moti me in swim wear.......

Went to a jazz concert last night
Saskia laroo live with Jarek simetian and Steve Logan on bass
was very very good.....small bunch of people at the Radisson's Ball room
we were the only Indian's there, conspiciously brown against the stuffy whitey's in the crowd
there was this junglee american behind me, who chatted thru out left twice to smoke and was shushed as well!!! Then he comes into the ball room with a plate piled high with refreshments meant for after the concert
I was mortified!!
he ate some more after the concert!!!
there was this long buffet table with little canapes, mini sandwiches
and other delightful goodies, even mini desserts and loads of juice and coffee...
I ate 2 sandwiches and some shrimp concoction on a tiny heart shaped piece of toast...
ahhhhhhhhhh lovely

CARDS YOU WILL NEVER SEE IN HALLMARK: (Contributed by uncle Arun)

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you."

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the heck was I thinking?"

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."

"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never new what evil was before this!"

"Money is tight, times are hard, here's your @#$/& Christmas card!!!"

"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

"Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with breasts that are bigger than mine."

"I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened, especially since you survived."

"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... Almost Lifelike!

"Congratulations on getting married! It's not every day you decide to ruin your life!"

"I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well respected. While I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly."

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"Just remember... Jesus Loves You - Everyone else thinks you're a creep!"

"The holidays are a great time to be with family. Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating jerk!!"

"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

"We have been friends for a very long time, let's say we call it quits."

"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."

"If you ever need a friend, buy a dog." (heck...get four!)

"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

"If you didn't have any money, I'd still love you. And miss you very much."

"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday --- so we're having you put to sleep."

"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Arkansas)

So I'm in kuwait
and I'm all packed for the summer
however the weather decides to get cold
real cold like 19 degress
which for me is quite cold
also Easter was great
so far soooo good
:)

"i forget that my life is not a film, and that every moment is not on camera. the sad thing is there are no retakes and the worse thing is there are no replays. "
- Gitika

Git's is in her element, so go check out ehr blog...
Link's bellow

Also new blogger dropped by...check out his/her?? blog as well
http://sporadicthoughts.rediffblogs.com/

Hey finally someone other than me posted on the msg board
:D
Welcome to the Chaos Adi....
keep reading keep posting

And for the rest of you readers.....and I know you come and read
really post something occasionally
Give Nissie a hard time with web space
maybe he'll call me then ;)
I'm leaving tonight......back home to parents and a lazy month of gorging
I will be in cyber space occasionally
so keep in touch...

Darryl:
why is life so hard?
Darryl:
at times i feel i've missed the boat
Darryl says:
everyone's gone and i was left stranded on the shore
Me:
then make the best of the desserted island

There was an atheist couple who had a child. The couple never told their daughter anything about the Lord. One night when the little girl was 5 years old, the parents fought with each other and the Dad shot the Mom, right in front of the child. Then, the dad shot  himself! The little girl watched it all. She then was sent to a foster home. The foster mother was a Christian and took the child to church. On the first day of Sunday School, the foster mother told the teacher that the girl had never heard of Jesus, and to have patience with her. The teacher held up a picture of Jesus and said, "Does anyone know who this is?" The little girl said, "I do, that's the man who was holding me the night my parents died."
 
If you believe this little girl is telling the truth that even though she had never heard of Jesus, he still held her the night her parents died, then you will forward this to as many people as you can.
 
Or you can delete it as if it never touched your heart.
 
Funny, isn't it? 
 
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.
 
Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.
 
Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says. (Or is it scary?)
 
Funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes" in God).
 
Funny how you can send a thousand 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.
 
Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and workplace. 
 
Funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week. (Are you laughing?) 
 
Funny how when you go to forward this message,you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.
 
Funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me. (Are you thinking?)
 
Mail My Cousin Forwarded To me
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dale's Take on it

If you believe this little girl is telling the truth that even though she had never heard of Jesus, he still held her the night her parents died, then you will forward this to as many people as you can.
-the story sounds made up...i tend not to believe random emails that get passed around...not the most authoritative source.  Jesus will still love you if you forward this or not.
 
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.
-the world is going to hell because people act on their baser animal instincts without critical thought, not because people trash God.
 
Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.
-whether it is the newspaper or the bible, you should take what you read with a grain of salt...apply conscious logic and reason to distinguish between truth and fiction, and whatever you believe, allow yourself to be humbled by taking into consideration the fact that you could be mistaken.
 
Funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes" in God).
-who exactly is it who is making the judgement of whether or not someone is following Satan or not?  i have my doubts that the average man can dinstinguish between the two.
 
Funny how you can send a thousand 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.
-a joke spreads laughter, this email spreads the message that people should believe potentially made up stories as if they were fact.  Which, if anything, will make the world less enlightened.  This will lead to the kind of freedom of thought that will make people believe that they are safe because an airport security guard takes away their nail clippers but allows them to carry lighters so they can smoke when they get off the plane.
 
Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and workplace.
-apparently, potentially erroneous emails about Jesus pass freely through cyberspace too.  And the last time i checked, the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene was suppressed in the school and workplace as well.
 
Funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week. (Are you laughing?) 
-i am with you on that one...funny, but not "ha ha" funny.
 
Funny how when you go to forward this message,you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.
-i was not going to reply, but i suppose you are right, and i should not worry about what others think of my beliefs.  It is more important that "I" believe they are good.
 
 
Dale D'Silva

Interesting read bellow

Ok As Gitika says the more equal thing to say is not, "He's out of my league" but "He's not my type"
fine fine
I correct my elitist snob self
"HE's NOT MY TYPE"

Stalker episode 3
time 9:15 pm
goodnight and sweet-dreams sms
spells my name as "C-R-E-Z-E-N"
:O
told you he was worse than the belief notes
D!!! Save meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

News Flash
Got another Stalker(yes yes there have been more stalkers in the past....)
:S
This time round Looserville is missing its Mayor

Stalker episode 1.
OMG This one is priceless and quite resourceful
gets my home number thru quite a bit of effort
then cons my aunt into giving him my cell number
by telling her he's a classmate that has lost my number
Then calls me up and.....OMG
he's been watching me for a while now...
At Church
Started with telling me how he has been "admiring me for 2 years" :P
and "how lucky I am for him" :P
and proceeded to give me various instances of how much luck I've brought him
:S:S
it will suffice to say, he has an external locus of control
unfortunately between the ridiculous luck and admiring, info bits
and an atrocious use of the English language, I cracked up, giving him positive reinforcement
now he thinks that I think he's funny
gave him the old "I'm busy studying can't talk now line"

Stalker Episode 2
Time 2:30 am
chrisann lies sound asleep
phone rings...chrisann wakes up with a start
its an sms
Chrisann ignores it and struggles to sleep

Time 7:30 am
chrisann wakes up groaning about sleep deprivation (its a form of torture in China younnoh!!)
grabs phone and checks sms...It was from STALKER
seething with rage chrisann calls stalker
clever stalker enjoying sleep has switched off cellphone
Chrisann, not to be out done (hello its me :)
send bait sms, "I wonder who this is tht sms u sent last night was just so sweet"

Time 3:00 pm
chrisann is napping tired after Gran's luncheon
phone buzzes, chrisann curses out loud
checks phone its stalker
chrisann cuts the call

Time 7:30 pm
stalker calls the third time
chrisann takes it
and yells at stalker for the sms
stalker tries to mollify with badly strung sentences
and frequent lapses into the ungrammatical
I swear he was worse than the belief notes!!!
(they were really really bad)
Stalker: "look 'm not going to harm and hurt you, i don't wan to afraid for you"
chrisann: (rolling eyes) "I'm not afraid of you, and you won't get a chance to hurt me"
stalker:" I just want from you, friendship"
chrisann:"I have all the friends I can handle"
stalker: "one more me won't be hard"
chrisann: (WTF)"erm no besides I haven't even met you..."
Stalker...after random tangential lines of appalling english interspersed with tapori Hindi
"so when you want to meet with me"
chrisann:" I don't want to meet you"
Stalker:" one day i will meet you, it will be like coincidence"

Frustrated, chrisann pulls the bf card....(yes yes imaginary bf card)
chrisann :one sec just hold on
(holding phone away from lips) "yes sweety i'll be with you in a bit"
Stalker: "who's that"
chrisann: "My bf, he's very impatient, I better go"
stalker:" just make friendship with me"
chrisann: "look My bf's here and i have to go"
stalker:" ok bye i'll call you la...
chrisann hangs up

Someone please tell him..........I'M OUT OF HIS LEAGUE
(I'm not an elitist snob :( )

List of things I know
I know Dad, the way his palm feels on my back as he pats me to sleep
I know Demi, the way she nuzzles my feet as I study
I know lonliness, how it feels to walk into an empty house, to lie alone in bed
I know pain, everytime I bite something sweet with my right grinder
I know pride, everytime meagen accomplishes something spectacular at school
I know love everytime ma sms's to check whether i'm doing ok..
I could go on but I'm not sure i want to..........

with x and y
having met
is c supposed to tell d
acc to g, c should tell y about d
so that y can make d get closer to c
what if d is g, and y is b, then will y get d,
what will then be the plight of c
no answers from g

BTW Y spells X with a Z
sounds like a weird syllogism

For the sword outwears its sheath,
And the soul wears out the breast,And the heart must pause to breathe
And love itself have rest
................
ahhhhhhhhh Byron
very nice and pleasant

Just what you need after a hard day's work of being enrolled
in Counselling course
and getting presents
a new tee from Dee, says I Love New York

and LOLITA
from Gitika (no, not sisters not even punjabbi's just phonetically similar)
YAY
and Deepika's husband...Suraj (deepika similar to both gitika and somewhat similar to Lolita...on second thought not really, what ever happened to the back space button)

Suraj, deepika's high flying and oh so funny new age husband,
got home from work and whipped us a fab meal
yummy Yay

GupSup - Satire for the thinking
| Satire, Parody, Lampooning...and more |

For all of you who loved Satire-Wire
Heres a new fresh Satire site...
complete with apna desi section
:)
www.gupsup.com

ooooo btw did I mention they have this li'll ol site linked up to them!!!
Validation baby
YAY

"feminist" he said, and suppressed the urge to laugh
Why would that seem so incredulous?
I wonder?
lets recap and see...

I was born in a house filled with women. Successful, strong women
women who had seen hard times and yet had come up on top..
Being the only child that too a girl child, with almost no male influence, and single un-married aunts
Its no wonder why the normal sex typed gender roles weren't indoctrinated in me
My dad was away for the most part, and when I was with him...I was his princess
I was perfect and could do no wrong....

I went to an all girls school,
no boys to compare with there
My only competition were girls like me, all girls all the time, not even male teachers :S

I grew up believing I could do anything, be anything

I entered Xavier's in the field of humanities, barely any boys there...
Still no comparisons made
The boys in My class....
Lets face it posed no threat to my academic self esteem, i barely even noticed them
No comparison there....
All through my years at Xavier?s, Didn't feel threatened by a boy
Was never compared to a boy
Was always better than the Boys........
Then, Professor Geera and Psychology of Sex Roles happened
and voila feminist orientation
But I didn't "become " a feminist
I already was one
PSR just gave me a label
How could I not believe in equality of the sexes
I was raised this way
no one ever compared me on the basis of gender,
no one told me I couldn't do "a" or "b" coz I was a "girl"

I have had it good...
Never been discriminated on the basis of my gender
So for the longest time I didn't believe discrimination existed
wiser now, I see discrimination every where
even in the subtleties of language....

Feminist.......

But ofcourse!!!

"I lOVE him, I Love him"
I tell everyone...
except him...

"Limit your love to yourself"
says Sonali

hmmmmm
perhaps I'm not a narcissist afterall

I saw cold mountain
and I liked it

I was just telling Dale, (in a mail) about tht part where she's telling him
that they barely knew each other... that all they had was moments...... and I how I really feel like
perhaps love is truly in the moments... in the intricacies of time and space..... in fleeting moments of togetherness....
Love in every moment
Loving every moment....

Love As I See It Today........

Man's 5 most feared questions
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the
truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analysed below along
with possible responses.

Question #1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I have been a bit
pensive darling. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,
thoughtful,caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met
you."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most
likely is one of the following:
a. Nothing
b. Football
c. Jennifer Lopez
d. How fat you are
e. How would I spend the insurance money if you died
Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once
told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to
you."

Question #2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is
necessary, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh yeah, sh*tloads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

Question #3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how would spend the
insurance money if you died.

Question #4: Do you think she is prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!!"
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Define "pretty".
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how would spend the
insurance money if you died.

Question #5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. (The real answer of course is "Buy a Ferrari and a
boat"). No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of
follow up questions, usually along these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not? Don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (With a hurt look on her face)
MAN: (Makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't. She's left-handed.
WOMAN: ...silence...
MAN: F**k

BUSH AN ‘IDIOT’
43rd President Embodies Descriptive Device
Washington, D.C.- Yesterday during a press conference U.S. President George
W. Bush was defined by the Webster’s Dictionary as an “idiot.”

Read more at kevin's cliche's and shit...
click on his link

BTW googled the word's BUSH AN ‘IDIOT’
and got 31600 hits in 0.18 seconds!!!

When it comes to mother's
Its certain I have two
One of them is mom,
And Nani one is you

Your gentle hands lined
with work of all the years
The very same hands that
Reach out to dry my tears;

You've always been someone I could run to,
When life was hard to bear
Someone to patiently listen,
Someone to really care.

Thank you for loving,and understanding me.
and all the little things you so thoughtfully do
One of life's special gifts,
Is having a Grandma like you.

There's something rare and wonderful,
God placed in Nani's heart;
Something he knew a child like me
Would need, right from the very start.

I think now of all the times
You've struggled to pass life's tests.
No matter how hard it got
You made sure you did your best

With a prayer on your lips,
A sweet smile on your face
Living your life with courage and grace
Every step worthy of praise.

Heaven has a place reserved
For all people good and kind;
But I have a little Heaven on earth,
In the nani I call mine.

Dedicated to My lovely Nani who turned 75 :)

I want to meet you by the ocean where words will feel misplaced,
where talk is replaced by the sound of the waves,
where I can luxuriate in your embrace.......

come be silent with me

Me: blah blah blah...."I dunno what his problem is, he's the one who said 'just friends' "
Divee: "J-U-S-T F-R-I-E-N-D-S.....whats with that?.......sound like a REALLY BAD SitCom"
Me: hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

Dale sent this to me and I just ahd to post it...........

News Flash: Terrorist Nabbed at JFK

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to
be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while
in possession of a ruler, protractor, setsquare, sliderule, and
calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is
being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a
search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y"
and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they
belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates
in every country.
"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to
every triangle," Ashcroft declared. When asked to comment on the
arrest,
President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of
math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."
"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is
intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to
disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to
inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said,
adding:
"Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our
point, and draw the line."
President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the
potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before
seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to
factor-in
random facts of vertex."
Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my
ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they
continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse
tightens
around their necks."

laughing over ice tea
coffee
muffin's and brownie's
stopped short at a roaches trot
all over our tray of goodies
-
me

He said: "You and I seem to have a special bond, though. You can make me laugh and cheer me up"
I said: " thats the problem, no one ever makes me laugh anymore, or bothers to cheer me up and I'm everyone's funny girl"
He said: " I hate to hear you talk like that. I want to make you laugh. I want you to know that I care about you"
I said: " i'm sure you do, but you certainly have a strange way of showing it....."
He said "......Do you want me to go away forever?"
I said: "there's no going away if you never come by anymore...
He said: "I am often away, traveling or at a place with no computer. I try to get you whenever I can. I am sorry.
He said: "I'll try to do better. I thought I might be boring you. I never seems to have anything new to chat about."

I sighed..............

I often ask the stupid question
"oh you've had a hair cut"
most original answer
"No its autumn and I'm sheding"

So I'm finally getting some studying done....
thanx to Deepika and Gitika (not related, just punjabbi's)
group study helps, the others keep me on my toes,
especially since recently (pre-exams), i suddenly get all sleepy and have to nap, like just have to rest my head
and I just have to watch tv...
etc etc
I'm exhausted now, mentally and emotionally
I have escapist dreams of floating away on white puffy clouds
my psyche working at relaxing me thru dreams
its time to waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Hey all
thanx for the nice comments I recieved on the last post
I have come upon a new blog which was pretty kool
I'm having some trouble linking to it...so here's the url http://nomilk.blogspot.com/

It was a lovely night, spent with people I loved and who loved being with me
:D
we ate and drank and talked and laughed and danced
and at one point of time ran around like little kids
i was exhausted
when I woke up this morning, he was sitting and reading the paper
I sat at the edge of his bed and he read aloud to me, about faith healing, and we talked of conversion reaction and hysterical blindness..
He listened as I chattered on about psychosomatic disorders and freud's libidal energy.... he really listened, even asked questions :)
He turned to me: "you haven't eaten.....can I make you a milk shake....but its banana" (he knows my dislike of that particular phallic fruit)
I nodded.....He brought me a tall glass
He said: " here sip it (holding the glass to my lips)...I'm sorry, Its warm...the milk was warm and I forgot to add ice...(he waited for my reaction)
I made a face and smiled as He took back the glass poured it back into the blender, added ice and more sugar.....
I sat at the dinning table watching him, and thought to myself
My brother is going to make some girl very happy some day......................
:)

Valentines day
another year Valentine less
(is that even a word??....it should be....)
Even the ones who hang around are so anti romance
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
where did my flowers and chocolate and other stuff go??

he said: "Valentine's day another form of commercialization of sentiments"
he said: "i don't give gifts or anything"
he said: " have you seen the prices of flowers..."

i heard them all...I sighed inwardly....shuddered over the plight of men in my life, went down stairs and lovingly wrapped my presents for kal and divee,and reminded my dad to buy my mum something, to save her the sighs and shudders..........

commercial or not...its not a bad idea to display affection thru tangible stuff especially on a day set aside for love, and its not how much it costs but how much thought or effort or some kind of feelings tht went into the process...

OH when will they learn..........

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control
Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold .........
____________________________________________________________________________

you like???
I DO TOOO
Its "HARDER TO BREATHE" From MAROON 5's, new albumn "Song's about Jane"
check them out...

STUDY FINDS YOU REALLY DON'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE
London, England — In an unprecedented study, British and American researchers have concluded that despite what you've been told at work, you don't really make a difference, and are not remotely integral to your company's success.  

FOOT-AND-MOUTH BELIEVED TO BE FIRST VIRUS
UNABLE TO SPREAD THROUGH MICROSOFT OUTLOOK
Atlanta, Ga. — Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control today confirmed that foot-and-mouth disease cannot be spread by Microsoft's Outlook email application, believed to be the first time the program has ever failed to propagate a major virus.  

CANADIAN WARSHIP SEIZES TANKER IN... WAIT...
CANADA HAS A WARSHIP?
Arabian Sea — Canadian television reported Friday that a Canadian warship in the Arabian Sea had seized a tanker suspected of smuggling oil from Iraq, leading many to suspect that the report was a hoax.

AMERICANS ANNOYED BY "ALL THIS
INTERNATIONAL SHIT" ON THE INTERNET
Pullman, Wash. — The profusion of international news available on the Internet has made it increasingly difficult for the average American to ignore the rest of the world, a trend researchers say threatens Americans' long, proud history of disregarding anything not about them.
 
To read More of these Hilariously Satirical news reports click on the SATIRE WIRE LINK :D
ENJOI

My fave line from a TV show
"There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides. You have to learn if we're even the same people we were, if you can fit in each other's lives. It's a long, important process, and can we just skip it? Can you just be kissing me now?"
guess who said to whom
:D

well hello hello
I know its been for ever since I posted
but kya kare
I'm been busy as ever
what with submissions et al
and major hang ups with research project
like freaking out over the stats analysis
worried myself silly
and now coming back to normal level of crazy ness
Tomorrow It gets done................

I said: "I think I'm dpressed"
He said: "regarding what?"
I said: " I dunno....I've been bubbling with dissatisfaction for a while now
uneasy not knowing what I was feeling.....Deepika told me i'm sad"
He said: " that's a state of mind that you alone can change"
I said nothing".............................."
He said: "spill out your mind's content it's always good to talk about your feelings"
I said nothing"...................................."
He changed the subject.......................

For the Guys
(Something every guy knows......)
-Contributed by Arun Sharma (Uncle arun:)
Phone calls end in 30 seconds flat.
You don't monitor your friend's sex life.
Old friends don't find you thin or fat.
You can go to loo without a support group.
If someone forgets to invite you, he/she can still be your friend for life.
You don't have to shave below you neck.
3 pairs of shoes are more than enough.
The World is your urinal.
People don't glance at your chest when they are talking to you.
You can buy condoms without shop keeper imagining you naked.
You dont pretend 'freshning up' to go the bathroom.
If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he wont tell friends you have changed.

FOR THE LADIES
contirbuted by Ron

60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?