"its my party and I'll cry if I want to...you would cry too if it happened to you"
so its not really my party
its his birthday
and he's miles away
not even on land
unreachable
and I feel really bad
about not even being able
to wish him
so I will sulk and pout
and apparently sneeze away
happy birthday darling
eat some cake for me

so while being bed ridden I've been watching a lot of TV
(what don't give me that jaw dropping expression...yes I can watch tv too...I mean what can I say its just hanging there on my wall pretending to be a picture)
so as I was saying, I've been watching tv
and eM and i happened to catch that hideous show
"beauty and the geek" OMG
after much slagging of what we have to put up with on the telly
we hit on something
(ha ha very funny hit on an IDEA, it hasn't come down to hitting on things yet)
we have a plan her and her highness
given the fact that we answered both beauty and geek questions on the show
(except for the screw driver one)
we have decided
that if given a chance we'd go on that show
aha we totally would
oh yes we would fake it for 25,000$
it being, pretending to be dumb (yes I can skillfully manage tht)
befriending the "geeks" (I am after all the little friend of all the world)
and would actually be our very smart selves
winning every challenge
and walking away with the cash
feeling all smug I lay on the sofa (still otp with eM)
and then she says
but we'd be the beauties right?
I mean we wouldn't be the geeks right?
CRASH
(went my day dream)
ofcourse!! I said
(note slight hesitation in voice)
we then changed the subject
that wentworth miller is such a hottie yes?
oh yes.....

I think the post below is causing misunderstandings about my friends
those who are...have been lovely as always
bearers of kind words and food, chocolat, flowers, cheesy delights and cake
hugs and late night conversations, and even distance can't keep the love away
so just to clear the air out there
my friends
and you know who you are
have been lovely
so thank you
and thank you
and you and you
and yes even you...

meandering thoughts lead to only one conclusion
no one knows what's wrong with me
every report shows up clear
then pray why am I in pain my dear?
maybe its pms
she said
maybe its all in your head
he said
maybe you should just drop dead
I said

Only when ill do you realize
who your true friends are
who cares
and how cellularly alone you really are...

hurt back
bed bound
:(

I'm always amused at how certain talk is permissible contextually
over heard:
Lady at desk: "where's your urine?"
man: "here, I hope its enough"
Lady at desk:"yes yes"
Lady at desk:"and stool? why haven't you brought your stool?"
man:"Its not mine, its hers"
Lady at desk:"ok where is it?"
man:"she's trying but its not coming"
Lady at desk: (to attendant) "she's not giving the stools, its not coming"
attendant to person behind screen: "Mrs. pal's not passing stool"
man:"but she's trying"
Lady at desk:"ok come back with it later"
me : TWILIGHT ZONE!!!
poor Mrs. Pal whoever she is

I want to always be startled by an engine backfiring

upset by poverty and disgusted by acts of violence

So last night was a blast....

"I went to soul fry last night
was dragged there after class by carol actually
wanted me to practise singing in public
before i sang at the ceremony
her chub-friend ashwin came along
I was bored to death
happily slipped into a stupor
as I sipped my cranberry bacardi beezer...
when I noticed at the table in the far corner was kalika's office mates
all around me people were singing
DUH they had to be
it was a karaoke bar
lol
then Jaya an office mate of kaleex started singing bachelor boy
it was hideous
like the hounds ofhell had taken up the mic themselves
i braced my ears for more tone-less singing
when the slightly loud but nevertheless cute corporate type
at the next table started booing her
"boo"he shouted "someone take the mic away"
"boo"he said again encouraging a few more boo's from across the bar
i was horrified, he's boo-ing jaya i said to carol
let it be, she said her back turned to corporate type
but i couldn't let it be
i leaned towards his table
and in my most chrisann-ish moment said
"don't be rude"
"what?!!"said corporate-type
slightly disbelievingly as if he hadn't heard me
'you're being rude'
I said...."

I found this in my drafts
I had never posted it
the date reads 17-8-2004

"Show me how it ends, its alright....show me how defenceless you really are"

Here it comes....5 years of blogging!!!!!!
It started as "The blog about nothing"
and quickly became a blog about something
everything
briefly called "Not a girl not yet a woman"
(sigh unfortunately that is true!)
(the name i meant not my maturity levels!)
it gradually took on a confessional mode
hiding my secrets where all could see
amidst the ranting of the walking contradiction...
...me...
but knowing my mild mind
its always confessions of a harmless kind
and so it remains...
a bare all
epitome of self disclosure
splayed out for all to see
feeding vicarious voyeuristic needs
can be frustrating
to people I'm dating
reaching out
tool of dissent
place to vent
tangential
trouble maker
risk taker
story teller
image seller
wonder wall
and above all
a space of one's own
this blog is
home...

Credits as follows:
A big thank you to vishal (aka pretentious) patel for giving me the idea to start the blog in 2002
thank you to Nischint Sohal, who made my first message board back when blogger didn't have a comments option
Thanks to "tac" peer sharing buddy on win mx(good grief remember that!) who helped me with HTML
Thanks to early contributors namrata, lush, shre-B etc who read and wrote in regularly
Thanks to dad whose anti blog rants were sufficient reverse psychology to make sure this blog goes on
Thanks to entirely elementary who changed the nature of commenting forevr
A big thank you to Rod aka funny, for all the blog help and the lovely blog-bday-present, comments, publicity etc...
To My readers/ commenters especially Krash, richie, dale, funny, chetz, rowe, TLS, dish, get, dip's, ant, jun, eM, TLOB, anon (all of em)
thanks to the universe and all in it, who provide material that comes in line after line....
thanks even to the stalkers who gave us so many laughs
A huge thank you to blogger, for the brilliant periodical updates (I had my doubts about beta)
And last but not the least...thanks to my biggest fan...its easier to read this than the writing on the wall...
love you all..
-C

2 days to blog's 5th birthday

"everything goes by so fast....making my head spin...."

@ 2:15 am outside my gate
a swift drive by is in progress
the cab stops
words are exchanged
and theres some grabbing
merchandise changes hands
they drives off
leaving smiles
and champagne truffles
He's back...

"I love the things that we should fear....I'm afraid of being here"

I am no angel
my halo has slipped
my feathers have moulted
my wings are clipped

I am no angel
with my innocence gone
just a mere mortal
tainted and worn

No not an angel
for Angel’s can save
And I need to be rescued,
I’m discontent’s slave

"you come on like a drug I just can't get enough,
I'm like an addict coming at you for a little more"

Remember that boy in Juhu gali
the one who's image will haunt me forever
the shame that i thought I saw
was perhaps not shame at what was happening
but perhaps shame that someone else now knows
Even if he was ashamed of what was happening
he had probably used his defence mechanisms to block it away
I'm thinking that its only the shame
from others knowing that makes one ashamed of what one is doing
like cognitive disonance we rationalize away
deny and push back...which is why we're so reticent to disclose
I took that awayfrom him
once everyone knows how can you continue to ignore
only when someone else steps in and verbalizes what we feared all along
only then are we forced to deal with it....
only then are we feeling guilty or bad for what we've done
only then we realise that truth is stranger than fiction
that life is short and love is hard to ccome by....

My only tear stopper
is also my tear dropper
voice of doom of what the future brings
wasted on things like non existent rings
of fire and fear of why we are here
at this juncture, condem condem her
fingers poised pointed, left undaunted
no bitch no moan
let he who is without sin cast the first stone....

"So if you want to love me then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'In the cold November rain"


The bitch about pushing things away and putting them on the back burner
is the fact that they evnetually burn out....
I'm thankful for the moratorium....I just have to remember
TO TURN DOWN THE HEAT!

" if you want it come and get it for crying out loud"

3001! And the winner is Reader From Irving Texas!
You have just won a week's worth of posting
YES! you get to guest Author THIS BLOG!!!
:) just leave an email address under comments and I'll talk you thru it

The blog has come a long long way since 2002
And August 16th is a special special day
The BLOG TURNS FIVE!!!!!!!!!!
Yep five years of raving and ranting in cyberspace
I have a few ideas for what I want to do, for blog's 5th
but suggestions from my readers are very welcome...

"I ain't heard from you in three damn days..."

1. Do you use Face book?
2. Do you have more than ten apps installed?
3. Are the drinks you buy your friends virtual icons?
4. Do you use the word Kudos in daily life?
5. Do you have to fight the urge to poke people?
6. Do you suddenly feel the need to drop kick, pinch or throw sheep at anyone?
7. HAve you drawn graffiti on anything other than an online wall lately?
8. Are you buying virtual candy or sending virtual flowers?
9. or Dedicating songs online?
10. Have you answered random polls to acquire enouch money to uy smelly socks?

If you have answered YES to 3 or ore then my friend you are an APPSAHOLIC!!!!
Add away FACEBOOK RULES

The thanksgiving mass and lunch was a lot of fun...50 people ascended the stairs into our home, the weather played spoilt sport, and the terrace (which fits 50 easily) was suddenly unavailable)
so we made best use of space, the house filled up and we did have a blast....here are the pics...

C n cousins

more cousins

"all by myself...don't wanna be...all by myself..."
and so he's gone
to the city of sin
far from the one I'm in
and I missssssssssssssssssss him
oh how I misssssssssssssssssss him
in other news I am totally addicted to facebook

HappyBirthday To You HappyBirthday To You, HappyBirthday HappyBirthday, HappyBirthday To You


Its His birthday...:)
but he's no very "happy"
who is? you'd ask
but I think these days its almost
mandatory to be miserable on birthdays
everyone seems to be doing it
I refused
I was really happy
the lobster au gratin wasn't
:P

let me tell you something about him,
a little more detailed than his orkut testimonial
The night I met him, he did the most thoughtful, caring things
anyone had ever done for me in the short span of 3 hours...
in the crowded bar when the guy I had gone with could care less
It seemed that he was genuinely concerned about me
(but of course I was wearing that black dress.....)
The second time I met him, he let me shop for hours
bought me lunch and waited
Without a single complaint, while I tried on shoe after shoe after shoe
I finally picked a shoe, which when I wore with him he couldn't remember it poor thing :)
I did give him grief about it...
The third time I met him an irate(drunk/psychotic) biker guy who had been
following our rickshaw for a bit, finally cornered us and was beating up
our rickshaw driver, I was completely and utterly horrified
it was so neanderthal I couldn't believe it was happening, he could...
after depositing me safely at the side of the road
He didn't leave, he walked back into the thick of things
calmly stepped in, stuck out his hand
and stopped the punch before it landed
on the hapless rick-guy
(My hero)
I was shaking but he was too much ofa gentleman to hold me
choosing instead to poke at my shoulder with one discreet finger
:P

When I described him as "Lovely" all of our mutual friends laughed

He's a stand-up no nonsense guy

who I can always count on to "do the right thing"

he takes me to places he hates just coz I wnat to go there

buys me granola bars (albeit reluctantly)

says the most horrid things to me

and yet I forgive him

(maybe coz he got me the "shine boards")

Yes he is a cynical, sarcastic, smug,
bordering on arrogant smart ass,
but to me he will always be
lovely.....

Happy Birthday Darling....

and I'm so glad you're in my life