Just as I'm blinded by deep darkness
I'm also blinded by bright light
The grass always looks greener on the other side
Believe me its just a trick of sunlight
so as C would say,.."Love the one you're with"
wishing and hoping and yes praying
for your safe return.....

If I had any doubts about my ability to charm
they were all dispelled at Maroosh the other night
Maroosh is this little Arabic restaurant
famous for their smoky succulent kebabs
while waiting for our order
I discovered Maroosh had a bakery
so I slipped out to take a look
when I entered I was greeted in ararbic
by the guy behind the counter
"fii brownie" I asked
"shunnu??" he said not making any eye contact looking perplexed
like I had asked him for tampons or something
"brownie" I repeated flashing him my sweetest smile
he shook his head, "gateaux" he said
pointing to the array of pastries
I sighed and pointed to the mango one
"wahid mangue et wahid mille fuille"
I said, looking very disappointed at the lack of brownie's
He put the mango one into the box and the mille fuille
I nodded, and then he put a kiwi one in
"No No, la La" I said
"Free" he said still not making any eye contact
He set the box down on the counter
and picked up a tray filling it with some khanafa
I thought he was filling another order
so said "how much??"
he ignored me and then pointed to some Arabic version of ras malai
added that to the tray as well
"free" he said
filling the tray with more goodies
Now I was the one looking perplexed
"How much" I asked again
"1/2 a kd" he said handing my box of pastries
and the tray of goodies
My jaw dropped, "1/2 kd o-n-l-y??" I asked
tentatively handing the note over
he took it, nodding and avoiding eye contact
I smiled and gave him a little wave as I turned to leave
"wait" he said, I paused, I figured he'd realized he had miscalculated
he leaned over the counter
shoving a couple of squares of taffy laden with almonds and pistachios
"Free" he said, never looking up at me...
I walked back to the car
"Bought the whole store" asked dad, a tad sarcastically
"NO" I said..."FREE"

"where were you today" she screams into the phone, her face tear stained her voice quivering, he laughs says he left his phone at home, that he just saw her missed calls and messages, I try not to look at her, the scene is all too familiar, she slams the phone, she buries her face in the pillow, I hesitate, and then offer excuse for him, empty words, words I've heard from others before, words I'd never be comforted by, yet I say them, maybe he was...., maybe he did....maybe.... she's inconsolable, I feel helpless, and shut up, she turns to me, "yes maybe...but where there is a will there is a way"....Where's the way and will you?
(for my babie lee---You Don't Have to Work For Love)

"Its best to ask for what you want
I know it may sound so simple
And I also know how hard it is to ask,
most commonly deterred by the myth of...
Why should I ask when you should know,
you ought to know
and then the self questions tinged with fear
if I ask will I seem weak?
will I seem needy/demanding/pushy/complaining/dissatisfied
if I ask will he do it only because I asked
and not because he wants to do it?
asking is hard
but once you do ask its out there
not festering in your head somewhere"

reiterating what I had said in a previous post....
to remind me
of my step towards a more congruent me @ 23

when will we be congruent beings living single lives
with insides that match our outsides
being true to our souls
not a constant masquarde of double roles?

I got my first cellphone bill in kd
and from what i see
there's major communication inequity....
and since I'm so big on quid pro quo right now
sigh,I guess i'm restoring balance...

In other news my cousins friends keep introducing me to new people
and asking them guess how old she is...

In more news
here's a list of my stft's
1. Karunesh--------------- Punjab
2. Puff daddy/Led zeplin-- Come With me/ Kashmir
3. Sade------------------- This is no ordinary love
4. Sade------------------- Flow
5. Il Divo---------------- Unbreak my heart
6. Kylie Minogue---------- Chocolate

I walked down the bath and body asile at sultan's
my local market, as I reached for my face wash
I caught a hint of a familiar scent
it was just a whiff but its haunting familiarity
made me look in the direction that it came from
there was a lady there trying out a new astringent
it was not a product I use, but that smell it just pulled me to it,
I found myself reaching out for a bottle
as I walked towards the counter to pay
I opened it and took a long hard sniff
same haunting familiarity
where had I smelt this before??
by what stroke of repression had this scent been
relegated to memory and why couldn't i remember
I puzzled over it on the ride home racking my brain
then got tired of my defenses and slept
this afternoon soaking in the tub it came to me
I remembered another bathroom in another place another country
the same wet me, with wet curls making dark spots on the rug
and him sitting on the bed watching me...
"you smell good" he said leaning in close for a sensual sniff
making my knees weak and my cheeks hot
I remember blushing (as much as my brown skin can blush)
"what is it" he asked, that smile never leaving his lips
those eyes never leaving mine, I looked away first...always
"Sarah Michael's seashore shower gel, its very good" I said
sounding a bit like a commercial and feeling very stupid
for no reason at all....

I shut the bottle and opened my eyes
I had remembered....and I still felt stupid for no reason at all
at the back of my head alanis sang...
"soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name"

So my phone line burnt out...
I WONDER WHY!!!!
can't use the phone or the net
so here I am at a cyber-cafe
being the good blogger and posting...
family has flooded the house
and activities have been planned
and are being executed like
a military operation...
most activities involve shopping
which is not helping my addiction
or the urge to reduce pink in my wadrobe
are 10 new pairs of shoes enough?
sigh what else is there in kuwait
besides shopping and eating...

in other news
exhibition 10/10
mayball -5

more (irritating) news
He: "...haven't heard from you...(blah blah)...I'm sure you're busy dating someone out there"
ME: "WILL SOMeONE OTHER THAN ME TAKE MY RELATIOSHINP SERIOUSLY"
c is with d
capiche?

You have a penchant for surprising me with well-placed spontaneity
Your potential fueled by the spirit to be all you can be.
Mutual love of humor, conversation and ties,
Tolerant of dark sides, intolerant of lies.
Your capabilities know of no ceiling by signals of intuition you know everything
You have a knack to repeatedly raise bars,
Words with the ability to soothe my hidden scars
You’re always on my mind, my boo my star
No matter where we are…

this afternoon in my dream...
we were in a play like scene,
couldn't believe the lines they had stuck
and my su-conscious had actually dramatized them
with an all star cast of you and me...

me: Were you happy?" --he: "Yes."--
me:"And are you still as happy?"--he: "Yes.
he: And you?"--"Then, more kisses!"--
me:"Did I stop them, when a million seemed so few?"
(-Robert Browning)

She: there's definitely something about him...I dunno what
Me: is he cute?
She: hehehehe.... he's cute in his own way
Me: Well thats the best kind of cute....

I think men invented t-shirts for women
which have clever sayings right across the front
Coz I can't think of anything else that gives men the licence
to stare blatantly at a woman's chest and actually initiate conversation about it
continuing to make conversation while freely staring at her boobs
and have her laughing with him!!!
" half naughty half nice ", Smoothie said, not bothering to make eye contact
"yes", I said, "that's what it says" (fake smile)
"well I bet the nice half is not, half as nice as the naughty half" he said
(and you're 50% single in your head I said in my head!!)
sigh*
moral of the story
if you don't want random men staring at your chest
do not wear t-shirts that draw attention to it!!!

She says:I had forgotten how heady it is to have an intelligent well spoken man say he is falling hard for you...the other thing I realised is that enjoying being loved is not the same thing as loving...it is a lot of the joy of feeling charming and adored...rather than being charmed...and feeling violent passion



and there I was afraid of falling in love for fear of loosing out on the violent passion...
if I can't feel sparks crackling...I'm suddenly so unsexy...I wonder why it had to be an either or for me...so overwhelmed with love that suddenly there was no lust...
when I caught myself thinking is this lust or love with the whole connotations of making love v/s having sex...I wonder why can't there be both... lust for the one you love...

btw boo says i adore you but i won't take your nonsense....
I enjoy being adored too
feel free to tell me FREQUENTLY babie
:P

distance (how much is too much and closeness (how much is too little)
when too much is not enough??
with spaces in our togetherness (hai gibran)
being together yet speparate...
not halves of a whole but whole in ourselves
free to be missing
to miss and be missed
when distance gets difficult
sometimes I wish i were drowning me
in your sea...where part of you'd be part of me

feel free to tell me babie
frequently

" Dearest,
Being as expressive as we are, I think we're always a little in love with words...in a sense communication's our canvas and words our paint, whatever be the medium...conversation or mail (or blogs or little fancy note paper)...we colour our world with the things we say (or hear), so its easy to get caught up in the brush strokes of a wordsmith... art-iculate and colourful...I say "caught" coz there's always a catch...a trap, with verbal bait of sorts...it starts off innocently enough, just communication, yet suddenly amdist the quips and the banter and clever retorts, the swirling colours of language we exchange...suddenly we're making love with words...There will always be someone out there who SPEAKS to you...but always remember the someone right beside you, who speaks to you with more than just words...
be careful my sweet and beware
of the word art out there..."