I feel I have been given a handle on things
ever since they welcomed me with open arms,
I think I've found my utopia
for a few hours once in a while....at least

oh but the strength it gave me
over the week-end i thought of nothing else
and then their mails thanking me
thanking me!!!

we'd gather around all in a room fasten our belts engage in dialogue we'd all slow down rest without guilt not lie without fear disagree sans judgement we would stay and respond and expand and include and allow and forgive and enjoy and evolve and discern and inquire and accept and admit and divulge and open and reach out and speak up This is utopia this is my utopia This is my ideal my end in sight Utopia this is my utopia This is my nirvana My ultimate

I have to repeatedly pinch myself on "good days"
haven't you ever had those purrfect days.........
you get that specail phonecall just as you begin your day,
your estimated wait time for a cab/rick (other public transport)
is halved coz someone just happened to get off 4 inches in front of you.
Traffic mysteriously opens up before you, quite like the red sea
Not only are you on time, you're early (YAY!)
(and you're still on the phone :)

Your boss wants to see you....just to chat!!!!
and then he hands you a cheque, you've got a raise!!!
(its moderate but its a raise!!)
and he hands you another cheque!!! of the whole's years arreas!!!!
you get to your office and your favourite client is waiting there
(yes yes I have a favourite client)
and he's just got excellent exam results
he says its all due to you....
you know its not, but the praise is as good as the raise
you come home and luch is yum yum yum
and there's a new client at the clinic
and life's looking up up n away.....
at the end of your day you can't help wondering
how bad tommorow's gonna be
coz there's no way it can top today!!!!

I don't think i can handle days like this.....

it seems I chanced upon him..
or was it he that found me
a meeting of two strangers
who connected inexplicably
Sometimes I wonder
what you're doing here
like a ship without mooring
you've strayed my dear
into an uncharted sea
landed up on a deserted island
rocky with pieces of me

We know the power of memories
we know just what they bring
we've both had more than our fair share
and we both brought something
you tell me so much of who you're not
I can only imagine what you could be
you who spins out clever lines
and lives by the undefined "we"
Master of evasiveness and
keeping things vague
avoiding all show of sentiment
like the plague
and each time i dream it's over
you wake me
you're still here
my closet optimist playing devil's advocate
to my every little fear.
you burst into my life
you made a splash, a scene
like a box of chocolate
you brought me, dark,
white, caramel n creme
bitter sweet and soft centered....


for d,
when distance makes it easier to say whatever I feel

Guess where i am!!!!!
KUWAIT!!!

its dad's 50th

how could i miss it?

and chrisann appears courtesy D
the best Boyfriend ever!!!!

only he can go from incorrigible to incredible in 30 seconds!
(and back :)

well it was the most wonderful thing to do
flying off like this and landing up at Dad's office
watching his jaw drop as he stared out of his glass walled cabin
thinking he had seen a ghost! (I was hoping he wouldn't faint)
he then rushed out to greet me, still stunned then turned his back marched into his office grumbling to his staff that i had just materialized without informing all by myself, he had to sit down before he could say anything and addressed all conversation to his friend, h, partner in crime who had encouraged this and along with D ochestrated the whole thing, including the crucial pick up at kuw airport....Thanx H, without you this wouldn't have been easy to pull off....then it was mum's turn, she was attending a staff meeting when h and I pulled up, we waited for them to finish before I casually strolled in, i was hoping she wouldn't keel over, and she almost did, rushing up to me looking very troubled asking if I was ill, "what're you doing here!!!" she said grabbing me by the shoulders while the whole staff of Indian English academy looked on, everyone thought it was a brilliant thing to do, though I did get some stares that said "are you mad!" but I'm ok with that.

Ahhhh so here I am in cold cold kuw, its freezing here
I'm all bundled up, complete with socks and mittens
there's a persistent drizzle and an icy wind
the coldest room is the bathroom
and that's the room I'm frequenting
LOL
bt I'm warmed by my family and ally and H and
yes there's shoping to do ;)

why do I continue to ask
when the truth is not what I really want to hear?

when questions go unanswered...the silence speaks louder than words
and what was left unsaid, has answered all questions in my head...
to be or not to be
is indeed the question...

it's so easy for him to be-fallacy-out on a limb for him-conspiracy anxiety she
just can't wait to party-strategy totally she'll make it look so easy-loyalty
disagree why won't you listen to me-fantasy novelty she will be free

"oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
one small sideways look and i feel so ungood
somewhere along the way i think i gave you the power to make
me feel the way i thought only my father could...

how these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
i'm 13 again am i 13 for good?
i can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
so unloved for someone so fine
i can feel so boring for someone so interesting
so ignorant for someone of sound mind
oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
one forgotten phone call and i'm deflated
oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort mey
our hand pulling away and i'm devastated
when will you stop leaving baby?
when will i stop deserting baby?
when will i start staying with myself?"

mood of the moment....
you had to ask didn't you?